To Love Like Christ...

 To catch up read part 1, part 2, and part 3
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When Christ came to earth to die for our us... our sins...our failures...our misfortunes... He already knew the deepest darkest sin we were/are ever going to commit.

Even with knowing all that information, for each and everyone of us, He still died for us!! He loves us deeply and wants us with Him so bad that He forgave the worst crime, if you will, to cleanse us and give us that opportunity to spend forever with Him. He paid the price for us.

How wonderful is that???!!!

Forgiveness... 

Love... 

Acceptance...

Despite our downfalls and most awful mistakes. What is better than that???

I originally had this post written out completely different, but as the Lord would have it He had something else in mind.

I was going to go through a pain staking month by month blow of all the events that happened after I had found out about my husband's affair. The deepest of lows and highest of highs and everything in between. But in truth the behind the scenes events were what really directed the path I chose to walk. A total soul searching time spent with God. This is really where everything took place, and what manifested... Healing, forgiveness, and revelation of God's will and direction for my life. My life with my husband. God's 2x4's and Neon Signs of direct commands He wanted me to follow. Paths He wanted me to take. See I won't speak of what God's spoken to my husband. That's his story to tell. This is my account. My story. My side.

You see if it weren't for God's instruction to me to "not leave. That He wasn't through with us yet." I would've left. Fast and hurt for I knew that Biblically I had every right to leave with God's blessing even. However, I vowed to praise God through this storm and fall to my knees daily for His truth, no matter what that brought, and march through this battle with Him leading every step of the way.

I was deceived by my husband what felt like daily. Built up to believe one thing and torn down with the reveal of the actual truth all in the same day. Sometimes more than once. I had no idea who I was or what I was doing more times then I care to remember. My only safety... sanity... refuge... was my time... my hours spent praying to God.

"How do I put one foot in front of the other, Lord??"

"How can I trust any word that he says??" 
(Honestly this one I still struggle with. Not that I suspect anything... just out of mere defense if you will)

God found ways of revealing to me His desire for me to press forward over and over again during that time. In truth He still does and for that I am eternally grateful!

He literally told me "To love like Him. For I am made in His image am I not?" That meant that for me and my situation I was to forgive and love as He has done for me. The forgetting part is still one I am working on, but the best of days is when I completely let go and let God. Those are the days I felt the most free from my everlasting nightmare if you will. That still rings true. For you know that on the days you don't die to self and decide you can pilot your life you feel dizzy and off course. When I moved/move over to co-pilot the flight is a whole lot smoother.

God revealed Himself to me through many different avenues like quotes, movies, books, songs, and verses. Even a conference and some people at our church. Sometimes more than once because my human rejection tuned it out the first time, the second time, or in some cases even the third time. Those are times I held on to Him even tighter because I felt that if I continued to reject those signs and commands, to obey what He wanted me to do, He would take it all away from me. Give it to someone else and that is something I still don't want.

He revealed Himself in such quotes as ones found in the daily devotionals I was reading. Each day felt like He had written them specifically for me. We fit perfectly together as if we had been molded together from the beginning. Funny huh... He knows we were. He wonderful plan.

He revealed Himself to me through great movies like Flywheel, Facing the Giants, and Fireproof... To name a few. (How we found out about Fireproof even coming out was only an act of God to begin with... how we got there to the theater and what happened once we were there is another.)

He revealed Himself and His will to me through such books like Unfaithful: Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity, Healing Stones, and A Time to Mend. (All highly recommended! Healing Stones and A Time to Mend are actually the first in their series. The series are great!!)

Songs... Oh so many Christian songs by artists like Third Day, Mercy Me, Warren Barfield (even before we even knew about Fireproof), Casting Crowns, Matthew West, Brandon Heath, Natalie Grant, Matt Redman, and many more! Songs that when I hear them tears welling up remembering the pain but at the same time the weightlessness feeling that accompanied. The feeling of knowing I was on the right path. I was right where He wanted me.

Oh and verses... Ones that speaks so loudly to my heart. Ones I still repeat a thousand times a day. Revelation 3:7-8, Jeremiah 29:11, Hebrews 11:1, and 2 Corinthians 12:9 to name a few. The times He revealed them to me holds great significance to to where I am today.

I resolved to love like Christ and hold nothing back...No matter the result! No matter the lies that were spoken and the then truth revealed. I knew that this was a storm I had to walk through and that He had something He wanted me to do and learn in the end. For His glory!

I am still in this learning process. To be honest I think I forever will be, but I am thankful for where I am... Where we are today! It's better then I ever imagined or had prayed for. His timing... His Will... always turns out better then we can imagine. Even if we think are asking for the absolute best. What He has in mind far surpasses what our minds and hearts think up.

I have learned that I am an influential player on this team... my marriage... and that my attitude and thoughts reflect what I receive. Sounds foolish sometimes, but trust me I have seen this reality play true daily in my life since then.

We tried everything from books to going to a Christian counselor and my husband played the system. I held onto every string that these would fix us. Quite the opposite happened thought. It wasn't until I let go and let God did the pieces finally start to fall into place and His healing truly began.

This is where we are now... Healing and moving forward with Christ leading each step. We are working on our "stone wall" and building that strong Christ foundation we sadly didn't begin with.

I will go back and share some very pivotal moments that really defined for me that I was walking the road God intended me to, and I will share where we are now. Daily struggles of everyday life and the success that accompanies.

If it weren't for God's forgiveness the healing would never have taken place.

Am I saying that every wife that has been thrown into the fires of adultery are supposed to forgive and move forward???

No because that may not be God's will for your life. This was His will for my life though. My marriage. My family's life.

This is the script He has written for me... for us... and we are happily walking along this path less taken and giving every ounce of praise and glory to Him.

NOTHING is impossible with God... NOTHING!