I am an Israelite... {Scripture and a Snapshot}

I am an Israelite.

I have wondered around and around after to cross the Jordan into the Promise Land because I assume I know the outcome.

I have romanticized my past because I know what has happened. I became accustom to what daily life was and I knew what to expect. I knew how to safe guard from harmful things. I, in turn, wasn't overwhelmed with life.

Overwhelmed.

That is all we have been since we moved. Completely and utterly... Overwhelmed.

Right now in church, we are a series written just for me. For us. Every Sunday for the past 3 weeks we have walked in amped for the message and have left with the 2x4 of God's reality and Word to the head. It's been so exhilarating to hear him move and direct in the ways that he has. The answers to the road we are on becoming more and more evident. The peace that is flooding over us with each passing day of seeking him and listening for his Word... amazing.

He is moving. He is providing and he leading us to our destined Promise Land.

Yesterday's message was about Overwhelmed by Tomorrow. Always being overwhelmed with what tomorrow has and what it could... COULD... hold. Our Pastor talked about how we could be so wrapped up in thinking we already know what could be coming because of our pasts that we retreat because we assume the same bad could happen again.

"No, God I already trusted this person or tried that door... this one looks the same... rejection happened before... nope I'm not going to open it... I'm not going to trust them again... I want to go back to before..." etc. 

The Israelites saw the potential hard times ahead in the Promise Land (Numbers 13:31-33). The people were big. Times looked like trouble so instead of crossing the Jordan to where God lead them and promised prosperity they wanted to retreat. Head back to Egypt where they thought life was good. They chose to forget what they actually had left behind.

I have done that very same thing. 

That is a reservation my husband has had lately regarding an area of our lives right now too. He was hit with Isaiah 43:18-19 yesterday.

This verse hits home for a number of reasons (it has hit home in the past but now in a whole new marvelous light! I love that about God's Word!). Our Pastor said that one way to stop feeling overwhelmed with tomorrow is to let go of our past. While, I have let go of my past in the sense that first comes to mind, he was meaning more in the sense of romanticizing about it. Building it up to what it wasn't. He said when we feel overwhelmed with tomorrow... the here and now season of our lives... and are longing to go back to our Egypt it's because we are missing a time. Not so much missing the place itself but a time.

A time.

That singular fact was a huge light bulb moment for us.

A time when we had it all figured out. We knew what to expect and felt at peace.

That couldn't be more true for us right now! That is exactly what we have been describing to each other about what we miss. What we want to go back to. Go back for.

We aren't longing so much to go back home because of its location (while we do miss the mountains and trees and such), we are missing that time in our lives. How life used to be daily. Not feeling overwhelmed. The complete opposite of what life has been... here. Here though we are standing on the other side of the Jordan. We took the steps into the unknown but we want to retreat from God's direction because it's uncomfortable.

We need to allow God to make the memories here. To create all he has planned and stop creating the overwhelming feeling to ourselves. We are only seeing this life right now with our human eyes. The physical and we aren't perceiving God's perspective of this season he has lead us into. What a life changer that viewpoint would bring.

We have walked into this new season with so much stress of all that has gone on. We have felt hit from every direction and felt like we were in a tail spin. I was hit with something else yesterday...

Really???

God is not going to go through all he has to provide for us every step until now to what have us fail now that we are here? To have us retreat back to comfortable!? No way! He is leading us into the Promise Land and we need to stop romanticizing our past. We need to stop forgetting all the troubles we had before and how he delivered us from them. We need to enjoy stepping into this unknown and be blessed like he wants us to be.

He provided manna everyday when the dew settle. I need to remember that!

He wanted us to jump in and cross the river. We did and now that we are here we need to enjoy the season we are in and make sure we are creating margin in our lives along the way. I realize this is pretty repetitive from the other day but to me it feels like more of his promises were given to us to solidify... clarify... we are now home. In this season and time. He revealed to us in the context in which our hearts were longing to go back home. So much understanding and peace was made to all of this yesterday. All the conversations my husband and I have had about should we? Will we? What's the plan? Are becoming more and more clear.

We loved the idea of jumping into this unknown land we were lead to but we have stopped ourselves from fully enjoying our Promise Land because of our fear and placing overwhelmed on ourselves. We will no longer be doing that.

My faith in the Father is way better than my fear of the unknown.

I need to stop trying to balance everything. It doesn't exist. I need to go through this day... tomorrow... the rest of the steps in this Promise Land in kairos. God's time. I need to stop trying to do it all in our time. Our assumptions. We are only bring OVERWHELMED upon ourselves.

God's talking...

We are listening...

And feeling a ton less overwhelmed with tomorrow. So thankful for where we are at and this beautiful 2x4 that came swinging out of nowhere yesterday. I think our Pastor has our house bugged. He knew exactly how to speak to our recent thoughts and prayers precisely. I am thankful that God spoke to his heart on what to preach about and the he graciously listened.

Renewed Strength Continues

Here I am... a blank screen and flashing cursor meet again.

God is really working on me lately. Through the Bible Studies I am doing. Through the ending of the semester activities I've been apart of at church. Through the new faces and relationships God is bringing into my family's life. The strength that comes from him alone is so uplifting.

Renewed confidence in the road we have felt him lead our family in all areas. Family life, Finances, Church... you name it. The resounding "you are doing exactly as I desire for you" even though it feels we are always explaining ourselves is refreshing.

The last week and a half since starting the studies and waking up early to do them... what a difference it has made. I physically feel lighter. If that even makes sense.

Renewed.

Strengthened.

No fear or doubt.

We are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing.

We are doing life with people God has placed in our lives for a reason and for this season. He is moving through us and he is only getting started. He is transforming us... He is transforming others. As, we draw near to the end of all the spring activities, small groups, and so forth I am amped for what is ahead in the days to come.

Our homeschool has felt so disconnected this year and while we are about to finish our year with A's and a B it doesn't feel the same as years past. I feel such a calm for next year though as we add another full time sibling into the mix. He is going to use our homeschool in a way he has never done before and I can't wait!

Same goes for all the leadership and opportunity God has shown us and entrusted us with at church in the last couple months. We are taking on a role and stepping out of our comfort zone like no other. When he said "When you move you will jump in." He wasn't kidding. While I know he is using us and our story to give hope in the lives of people we meet truthfully I feel they are changing us.

I long to feel more and more confident everyday in all that the Lord is doing and leading with. I don't fear what is ahead and I know, no matter what, he is providing and preparing our hearts for more than we could ever imagine. He is near. He is moving. He is God and the fact he has chosen us, this time, these studies, and the people in our lives for his glory is amazing.

Just had to share how awesome he is!

"Let us hold UNSWERVINGLY to the hope we profess, for he who promised IS faithful." Hebrews 10:23 

Staying Connected

This weekend was awesome. It was filled with softball, sun, pool time, church, small group, and GOD.

God showed up BIG time this weekend. He showed up in a way that was perfect to bring our weary souls back to reality.

I've mentioned before that since moving our lives have been crazy busy. Crazy busy like we have never known before. After my daughter's game on Saturday we were told we are adding another night to our schedule for practice (since our previous practice night is now a game night). Our first thought was you can't be serious!? That now leaves... O.N.E. night a week we have NOTHING going on. ONE and by nothing I mean no set time we are to be somewhere for someone. This one night we have available is ending up to be Friday's. It's also a night that every other week should be grocery night. It's also our weekly family movie campout night. (I'll have to share more on that later)

The whole thought of one night a week with nothing was very daunting to us. As humans we were thinking there has to be something we can quit. I am ashamed to say we thought we needed to quit our Sunday night Small Group that we had just started to attend. Ha, God had other plans.

Isn't that how it always works?

Yesterday's Sermon was actually taught by our Small Groups Leader and boy did he lay a hammer down he didn't even know he was laying. God's 2x4 of grace for our poor hearts being in the wrong places was so needed. We sat there through the whole message saying man that hurt! A good hurt.

The message was about being adopted into God's family and how we aren't orphans anymore. What stung was our SG's leader was mentioning how our orphan selves look at the "whoa is me" stance. Anxiety about change, isolation from all, hide our real selves or secrets from others... that is to say when someone asks "how are you?" Don't just say "ok or all is good." Be honest with them. Say "You know I'm really having a hard time or have a super rough week." BE REAL.

But that isn't the part that hit the most. You see while all of his examples (way more than I just mentioned) were fantastic eye openers and just "wow" illustrations what hit us the most was when he said "Society can not know how to love like Christ, or know that we are loving and living like Christ if we aren't connected to people to love on." Here we were thinking we needed to disconnect from a part of God's body so we could have an extra night to just "breathe" and God smacks us saying... "yes, while that is important I want you right here, right now, and fully submerged and connected with these people on these days."

Ok, Lord we're listening.

One of the points our SG's leader made was we are a people/society/etc that is always looking to be reassured of ourselves. Because we are born orphans we are always looking for security or someone to reassure us. We played into this very role when after service we walked up to our SG's leader to ask his advice on what to do about our newly insane schedule. Ha, he didn't give us the "it's ok we'll see you have the softball season is over" talk like we thought he would. HA, not even!! He said "I'd figure out how to either do it all or drop the sports. We'll talk about it TONIGHT at group" and left it at that. There was God again showing us that group and staying in it was exactly where HE wants us to be. We went last night and it was POWERFUL, needed, and refreshing for our souls.

While we aren't going to be cutting out our daughter's 4 nights a week softball OR our 2 nights a week Bible studies we have realized that we need to handle the busyness better. We need to be more aware of each other and God in everything that he has plugged us into. There is a reason why he is giving us this load. We have not handled it very well up until now, but we plan on changing that. We plan on being immersed in the body of Christ, being real, and loving and growing to all the potential God has for us.

We also had it mentioned to us last night... What if God didn't move us here for the job?!

Crazy right???

What if God moved us here strictly for this church??? This new body and community we are plugged into. What if God moved us here to dig into a ministry role like my husband has been feeling strongly since attending this church? God is using our Small Group's leader in ways right now that is blowing our minds. He is approaching us with words he has felt from God for us about ministry that my husband hasn't shared with anyone that he has been feeling the pull for. What if all that is going on with my husband's company right now has nothing to do with us and the bigger picture God is laying out for us??

What if these very points are in answer to the very question I asked just the other day... God what is it you have for us here!? 

While it stinks to be away from the body of Christ we so dearly love and miss back home God hit me with all of this above this weekend to remind of the very thing I hold dear to my heart. A message our first Pastor said one sermon... "You most likely will never stay in the same church you have grown in for forever. God will move you and it will be uncomfortable and sad. He will move to another church and possibly another (or more), but with each move it is only to build you. To strengthen you. (As long as you are moving with his will and not church jumping because you are offended.... there is a difference) But you will take the growth you have had from this church and you will take that and bless the next church you go to, and if God moves you again you will take the previous and new growth to bless and grow in the next. Each step strengthening and growing along the way."

What if God only moved us here for this church? What if God only moved us here to build upon the growth we had back home and to move us into this community that is the one that can help flourish and produce the Will he has for our lives?

Powerful things to think about. At least for us.

God has a plan for us. A B.I.G. plan... we feel it! It's going to scare us and blow our minds at the same time. God solidified to us this weekend that while we miss and love our friends back home we are absolutely embraced and loved here deeply. Even already. The kingdom and family of God is something else and I am so blessed to be chosen to be apart of it.

I can't wait to see all God has to reveal and grow in us.

It's going to be AMAZING!

I'll close with this. Last night after we got home from group and laid the kids down my husband went looking for a verse one of our old Pastor's spoke on. I love when you can't quite remember the verse but you remember the book what God reveals in those moments. My husband came upon this verse, came to me to show me, and we both sat in awe of God.

"Look at the nations and watch and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5

C R A Z Y huh!!!????

The icing if you will... this verse comes right under a heading section in Scripture titled "The Lord's Answer" to Habakkuk's complaint in previous verses.

God is crazy good. He is up to something and we are excited!!

This song below was the last song we sang in Worship yesterday. We sing it often but yesterday... WOW. It was intense and awesome! Not a dry eye when it was over. God moved yesterday and it was glorious!! Just had to share one of our favorites. This video actually depicts exactly how it was in our service yesterday with this song. So moving!!

The War Inside Stinks

I can not believe it's been so long since I have been on here. Of course I have opened this screen a 100 times with no coherent words coming to my screen. Just the little blinking black line and huge white posting area begging for words to come.

Nothing. Writers block.

So what is different about today? I am not 100% sure. There are things I am mentally struggling with. I miss writing out my feelings. Although truth be told the safest place I feel anymore is in the sheets of my journal. That said I just don't write as fast as I type. Ha... thanks technology I can't keep up with my thoughts anymore. *wink*

I want to keep this blog open and don't all at the same time... So bad but I'm not sure what to do.

Anyway, It's been 2 1/2 months since we moved. Crazy it's only been that huh!!!?? It is for me. It's been the biggest whirlwind I've every experienced. In a good and bad way. Things are way different in some ways than I mentally thought they would be. It's hard to explain. I have to be honest though there are some things in my life right now I am wondering why did God move me here in the first place. Of course there is the big obvious reasons but I am thinking of smaller ones. Is it possible to actually feel life was more fun before we moved? Granted there are lots of new things going on right now, but I miss the life we used to have. All of it. Even the tiny little apartment and dreary days.

All in all though life is good though. I miss our friends sooooo bad from back home. I miss the community and environment that they encompassed us in. I have meet and grown in a group of wonderful ladies at church. It's been awesome. I am looking forward to see where God brings it. God is doing a ton in our hearts regarding our next steps within the new church. To grow and take part. It'll be a fun ride following what is laying on our hearts.

I feel it's time to recreate me again. My world has been rocked, obviously, the last couple of months and there are lots of things God is working on my heart with. Recreation, restructure, and growth is hard. Maybe that is why I want to get back to blogging and not close this blog down. I need to show the struggle and grow and not just the smiles and happy shots. Ha shots... none of those have taken place either.

A couple verses from Bible Study keep popping up lately.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

and

I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will NOT be shaken. Psalm 16:8

I need to hide these in my heart closer than ever right now. The war I feel inside of the differences I wasn't prepared for are making me feel a way I know God doesn't want me to. This is hard for me.

Lord, You know my struggles... My heart... my earnest yearning to follow your will. I know you wrap us with situations that build us up and tear us down for us a reason. I pray you lay on my heart the reason and how to handle and move forward with that. Thank you Lord for the lessons you are teaching me and the path you are leading me down. In your Son's most precious name, AMEN. 

Heading out of our own Harran...

Last Sunday, at the new church we attended, the Pastor there was starting a new series about striving for TODAY and not putting off TODAY'S plans for tomorrow. This hit home in so many ways for me personally and my husband. During the message though he used Abram and Sarai as this Biblical examples I guess you could say. These two seem to always be brought up to us just when we need to be reminded of their journey the most.

He mentioned how God had spoke to Abram telling him to leave his hometown of Ur and to head to Canaan with his father and wife. Off they went faithfully heading to what would later be the Promise Land. Amped and ready to go. They make the journey halfway and stop. Yep stop.... halfway... For YEARS. (even as I write that it pangs me) They became content and stayed. Terah (Abram's father) missed out on all God had planned for his life had they kept going. It wasn't until after his death that God yet again told Abram to pack up and continue his journey to Canann. He still wanted them to get to where he intended for them to be. Faithfully Abram did just that.

As we sat there in the sermon shaking our heads yes and feeling God speaking and watering our hearts something hit my husband. Our first big move (to where we just left) that was our Harran. Although I am not sure it felt like that at first. If you have read my story at all you know that I really truly feel that first move was strictly to give us the desires of our hearts. I believe that with everything that I am. With that being said we are living proof of how God can give you those desires, knock you flatter than flat, and lift you up higher to sing of his glories and mercies.

With that being said, after the sermon we went up to meet the pastor and his wife. They seem like awesome awesome people. Anyway, my husband made mention how it hit him that we just left our Harran. For years vocally and on here he mentioned how I kept mentioning to him that we needed to take steps for our future. We, of course had no direction but we needed to take a step nonetheless. We weren't to sit stagnant any longer. He mentioned how he felt comfortable there and was just like Terah... fine with calling it the end of our journey even though we felt differently. We knew we weren't supposed to sit still and possibly stay there but we would've been fine to. Heck we even felt that we knew we would leave. Yep. We totally knew that we would leave there someday and live somewhere else. At which time God would lead us in steps to which area he wants us to call home. Crazy huh!?

Which brings me to my conflicting feelings. Aren't those always so fun to have?

Not.

The pastor said 3 key points in his sermon about starting TODAY.

#1: God leads in steps not huge leaps (oh ouch!)
#2: With God there are no wasted steps (thank goodness!)
#3: You may be one step away from breakthrough (stepping out of your Harran and heading onto the path once more.)

Aren't those amazing mercies God promises us? I'm thankful he allowed us the steps to get "halfway" per-say if where we are at now is in turn our Promise Land. I am also glad those steps weren't wasted. In turn they brought huge trust and growth, and I am thankful for our faithfulness in taking the step needed for our breakthrough in applying for this new job.

Then why do I long to go back home? We are on the journey God set out for us. No matter the final earthly destination I know God is leading us. Truthfully, I can't wait for the finally Promise Land... life with him eternal, but I guess selfishly I want more earthly time with the friends that became family back home. I know though that eternity with them awaits me, and if I look back I'll be given a chance to return (I am reminded of Hebrews 11:15-16 with this... speaking of Abraham and Sarah again) but I know I can't do that no matter what. I don't want to be like Terah and miss out on all that God has in store for us.

I don't fully understand why God moved us but I know that HE does and there is peace in that. It's hard though. Humanly, mentally, physically even. To be away from a place that you really want to be at. Maybe it's because the "wounds" of leaving are still so fresh. It was 2 months ago today that we headed out for our first day out of our old state. Maybe it's seeing and hearing all that is going on back home. I don't know. All I do know is that I need to remember that not one step is out of the plan that God has set before us. That we are exactly where we are to be and are walking towards our own Canaan now that we have finally let go of the comfort reins and left our Harran. That isn't to say though that we walk in circles and end up right back there. This could be our wilderness. Only God knows.

I have to keep my eyes up.

Walking in TODAY.

Not waiting to seek for TOMORROW.

Making the one step towards breakthrough and not waiting to follow the directions for the path in front of us.

I do not want to be like one of the 3 men Jesus asked to follow him in Luke 9:57-62. When asked to follow Jesus and his plan for them...

#1: Was too fearful of the unknown so stayed put

#2: Another was unwilling to pay the cost of following

#3: The last guy just didn't want to go.

No matter the pain or the cost... here we are. I relish though that the family we left behind felt, knows, and supports our taking the step out of our Harran to follow God.

God is in control. He will calm my heart for the journey to our Promise Land.

When the pastor wrapped up the sermon he asked... What are your next steps?

For me... Follow no matter what and rest that God is in control no matter how my humanly heart longs. Because I know in my heart of hearts I am exactly where I am supposed to be and for that I am very thankful.

"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden like a spring whose waters never fail."

Isaiah 58:11

And the band-aide comes off again

You ever feel some days it feels like you ripped the band-aide off a painful wound... Again?

It feels that way right this moment. As the tears are streaming down my face and I am screaming why!!??

Why did God move us here?

Why did God take us away more importantly from a Body of Christ like no other, and friends that are closer than a brother?

Why would he take that support system away from us?

For the most part I've been doing ok. A thousand times better than our first cross states move. The posts, pictures, videos, and now news reports of the amazing buzz our church back home is generating is pulling the heart strings even harder this morning.

This time of year alone is painful and hard to get through for me. I'm trying to make it better... To be better... To act better, but longing to be one place so bad isn't helping.

The news of a possible merger with my husband's new company and another isn't helping. All the questions and insecurities of what is to come isn't helping.

"Where does my help come from? It comes from the Lord maker of Heaven and Earth." (popped into my head as I was typing that last sentence.)

The "Ok God, I know you knew all of this was coming and yet you still chose to speak at such loud volumes saying to come... Why!? Why throw us essentially into the unknown like this."

I write that and it hits were they all there too much of a safety net for us? This whole experience has been a lean on & trust God like no other. To this magnitude is that how we are to be living? I know, I know that is a no brainer kind of question, but they knew us there. Like knew us knew us. Knew how to pray for us and God always spoke to us there. We had an amazing support system. Our church was our family! They were amazing mentors for our kids!

I long to be back in those halls with our family again so bad!

I am trying so hard to rest on knowing God is in control and knew this meltdown would happen. That we want to be back in our old state so bad with our friends and family. That even our kids friends are crying themselves to sleep at night saying it isn't fair! Will we ever live among them again this side of eternity? Before time and space apart grows between? Ha, although this family and friends none of that would matter. I guess that statement is more thinking of the kids and their friends, but even then this momma's heart would like to think time and space wouldn't matter for them.

We thought we had found a place where these kids were all going to grow up together and they all have a bound like nothing I've ever seen before! Us parents would talk about how we can't wait to see how they all interact in high school. They all homeschool. They all support and build each other up spiritually like nothing I've ever seen! Why would God take that away from us? From our children?

I don't understand it. I truthfully don't know how to seek the answer. Yes pray and quiet time with our great Savior, but it feels I need to do more. I'm not sure of much I've ever longed for as much.

Yep, even as excited as we were for this new adventure we still are hitting valleys along the way.

I want to go home.

There I said it. I want to smell the air again there, feel the warmth of our family, sit in our seats at church and be showered with God's amazing love through that Body, watch our kids play and grow there, experience first hand all the marvelous glories God is doing through that church in its community.

There is a reason why we can't I know that. It's just hard some days. I wish the band-aide wouldn't keep getting ripped off, and that I could see and feel the answer to my WHY!? more clearly.

Lots on my heart... How to get it out?

I want to write but I don't know what to say. The words feel locked away trying to formulate before they come out. The dicml amount of pictures on the camera this year are breaking my heart and the memories of all we got to do compared to the nothing this year, as the months is pretty much over now, is burning into my heart. Of course we haven't done nothing, but still feels that way. I haven't documented anything on here (or my never read or written on family blog). I have not picked up my camera nearly enough. Life has been crazy. Busy and not busy all at the same time. Is that even possible!?

We are preparing this week not only for the celebration of the birth of our Savior but also for the birth of my best friend's 4th child. Tomorrow morning I will add 4 strapping young men to my household, even for a short while, while mommy and daddy to be, along with aunt, are at the hospital anxiously awaiting the "HE'S HERE" moment. I have not 100% figured out how I will fill such time with these young men + my 3 but I think all will be good. :)

I have been busy handwriting Christmas cards, and writing out and praying over our new finances this week. Last week we made 4 different kinds of cookies to send to Grandpa. It was awesome! One kind in particular was a recipe my grandma used to make for us. It's been the first year I was able to make them for my family. It brought along a since of "yes, I can finally pass these down to my own family!" Along with "It's totally finally Christmas!"

On Sunday, we went back to the first church that we tried when we first moved. It felt right there. We have been to a total of 3 different churches since being here. All within the Calvary Chapel family we are accustom to. This one feels right so far. The kids love it and we have enjoyed the 2 services we have been to. We are planning on attending their Candlelight service on Saturday, and Christmas Day service. We haven't felt the "this is your new church home" feeling quite yet, but it definitely feels like where we are supposed to be right now, and truthfully I am ok with that. The peace that comes with it is beautiful!

Work life is going good. The company itself threw a crazy wrench on Friday. We are not 100% sure what this means, but we have found peace in knowing that God knew all about this way before we even applied for this job. He was so loud and adamant about us taking this job and moving here that we know he will not let us fail. He has a plan and we are excited (yet I won't lie anxious) to see what is to come in the following months. We keep a listening ear open to all the reports and are just letting our hearts listen and watch for God's plan in all of this. Right now it's busy as usual which alone has been great. :)

School this week has taken the plan of light! With the coming of 4 additional children into our household I am taking the path of least residence with school work. I am hoping to get caught back up after Christmas and be done on time this year. I am bracing my heart for that to not be, but hoping just the same.

So many things I can't wait to get back to a normal feel. Ugh, my daunting still to-do.... we moved to a new state... list. You know the one... change licenses, plates, call the new insurance agent to rewrite policy, find a new dentist, etc. I can't wait for that to be over! Picking up my camera again. I miss it so much. I feel blah with taking pictures though. In a rut. I was told before we moved not to let it go but I have. I want to love taking pictures again. I miss it. School. Ha, having any type of furniture to sit on. That would be lovely. We are praying for peace if God doesn't have that planned, but hopeful on that as well. We have no chairs, table, or couch. The floor is our friend, as well as one rolling tool box. I don't say this for pity or to complain... We genuinely are happy for a roof and this new adventure. There are times it just hits that we don't have any of it anymore, right now. We know we will again someday. Just aren't sure when that someday will be. So it sounds funny but don't take your furniture for granted.

I better get going. The house is still quiet as we have one little guy with a double ear infection (cause you know why not get one a couple weeks before insurance takes affect), another little guy with a cough and stuffy nose, and a little girl with a stuffy nose. I am letting them sleep. This also means momma can get a shower before 3pm. Score! Or a more realistic approach might be that I go snuggle back under the covers and use the light of my phone to not wake the sleeping babe in my bed currently, and continue reading Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to SEE". Fabulous book!!!!! Seriously go read it!

I am starting to think of all the plans I hope to stick to in this coming year. Lots of them (yes, including becoming a better blogger *sorry I haven't been one). You?

One I am super... SUPER... excited about is I mentioned last night to my family I want to read the Bible from cover to cover. I have never done it. Yet. The response of "but I want to too." "Can we read it with you!?" from the husband, 8 year old, and 4 year old were amazing. My simple desire for myself has not turned into a family desire. We will be, as a family, reading the Bible in its entirety this coming year. We can't wait!!

How about you? Any plans you hope to set in place for the new year?

Rejection Happens... Even in the Church

I'm going to head off the homeschool topic path that has dominated this blog lately for a minute. This has really been on my heart for a while.

My husband and I have a story. Our story isn't as pretty as some and truthfully is a story that most people cringe at and walk away from. We cringe too at the pain of it, but even though there was some physical walking away there was never walking away from the story.

You can read our full story in these posts here.

The long and the short of it all my husband had an affair a couple years ago. Full blown affair. All of our relationship though I knew he struggled with pornography, the flirting, and attraction to other females. Yet there was something that always drew me to him. Not so much because it was a "bad boy image" but something stronger. Of course almost 11 years of being together and 8 years of marriage later, many tears, an affair, and rebuilding I can say with 100% certainty that "something stronger" was GOD.

ALL GOD.

For some that may be hard to understand, but not for us. Not for our hearts and not for our family. God saved us before any of it all started. Even at the very beginning.

Why am I bringing this up?

Well, a couple weeks ago we were talking with a new family at our church. The wife was saying how her husband needed a group of men that could help hold her husband accountable and such. Our church has such a group but truth is the majority of attendees are men that struggle with purity yet stand firm to encourage and hold each other biblically accountable to purity as a whole. This group is amazing and my husband used to attend when his work schedule allowed. Sadly that hasn't been able to be for months due to employee shifts and such. However, it is a group that has helped lay a foundation for my husband since his affair. It is a group of men that I will forever sing their praises. As will my husband.

I kept trying to tell this wife how awesome it is and she just kept bashing it. Bashing how most are struggling and such and wasn't listening to how even though that is true the group is so helpful. I was about to just be like "LISTEN IT WOULD BE GREAT FOR HIM!!" Instead I said "Listen, I know from first hand experience how great this group is. I know because we've been there. That group has helped my husband and helped us." I went on to give her the cliff notes version of our story and how the Lord has (in my husband's words) "Saved him from himself."

Now granted her husband has never cheated at all and stands firm in his purity. It's still a group that helps hold that moral strong.

She still wasn't having it. She flat out told me that "I don't even want my husband hearing stories like that. He hears it all day at work and I don't need him hearing about in church too." I felt like I was hit with a 2x4 right then. I guess you could say that at that moment it was the first time I have ever been "rejected" by our story. A blunt shut door if you will of rejection. "I don't want to hear that." "I would have left."

What!? Really!? By someone in the church no less.

I thought for sure the first time of rejection by our story would have come from someone outside of the church if that makes sense, but that's just it even outside of the church I haven't heard that. Yes everyone is surprised I stayed with my husband, but truthfully when you hear God's voice so loud to stay how can you argue? Our marriage is so much better then it ever was when we said "I Do". I am glad he told me to stay. Even when she told she would have left and I told her God told me not to she still was like "no way I would have stayed."

What boggles my mind the most is how this person is so blunt at showing everyone where they are wrong biblically. Yes biblically I had all right to leave but God said no.

I guess the long and the short of this is really that I needed to get all of this off of my chest. I have been so confused and blown away how someone in the church could turn their nose up like that and be so turned off by the story that while yes holds hurt but it screams of redemption.

Isn't that exactly what Jesus died on the cross for!?

I am not trying to toot our own horn our marriage will always take work. Just like any marriage. Maybe just a little more, but God saved my husband... literally and spiritually. He is a changed man. A man literally after God's own heart. Just like David. God saved our marriage and family too. I understand and respect her wishes to not want to hear our story. I understand and respect that she doesn't want my husband around her husband or our families to be friends. I pray one day she sees how great God has been, and that even though there was a struggle and my husband left our marriage for sometime it wasn't until after his affair that we both learned what love and marriage really was all about. She had a rough past too. None of us are perfect. Growth and redemption comes in all forms from God. Affair. Abuse. Addiction. Redemption is there for the taking for those that listen and follow the Lord's will and calling.

Inside The Glories of HIS House

Ok SO tonight.. Totally... utterly... A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.!!!! Ok seriously I am not sure it gets much better than tonight!!

See our church is in the process of building it's on building!! I know amazing right!? Well other then the fact we absolutely can't wait to be inside of it... we have watched since the first bits of concrete have been poured. We have not been lucky enough to have found this church to experience the way beforehand, but we are so eternally grateful to have experienced from the beginning of the pour and build in stage. Yesterday though some of the windows were set into to place!!! WOHOO!!!!!! The pictures of progress of have been like nothing we have experienced before. Maybe that is because we have never watched something of "our own" being built from the ground up, but I have got to tell you watching and growing with the church has been an indescribable adventure!!!!

TONIGHT THOUGH... we had our annual All Church Thanksgiving Dinner. This is where we all get together and break bread together. Turkey, Dressing, The whole nine. It is a fabulous time and one... I'll be honest... we count down to every year for the past 3 years! We absolutely love the fellowship and time together.

This year though... Oh it was awesome! This year instead of just going into the garage of the new building we actually got to go on "self guided" tours of the INSIDE of our new church. Oh it was amazing. While we got to walk the hollowed halls of what is to be we got to be serenaded by the first worship songs in the new Sanctuary by our Sr. High Pastor. As well as we got to take along with for our tour a permeant marker. One in which we were to use to write on the bare exposed 2x4 begging for installation and dry wall from the first snow of the year that was falling outside. On these dear pieces of dry wood laying exposed we were to write whatever we wanted! Praise reports. Prayer requests. Whatever God himself laid on our hearts! Words that will forever be sealed into the foundation of this dear church.

It was bitterly cold, but I think such a ominous of all that it stood for. The warm and love that will be pouring out of this building. As the voices of all of our congregation that arrived tonight for our first Worship Service for a minute you could feel the warmth.

The love.

The wonderful splendor of all that is to come.

The kids loved seeing where their new classrooms will be once we are able to actually move into the building. We found out our Pastor will not be having his office there on site but instead in his basement exactly 4 minutes from the church. Why you might ask... in the words of his dear wife "to save room to grow!"

How stinkin' awesome is that!?

After our glorious worship and tour time we all headed down to our somewhat heated garage for Thanksgiving together. This year it was set up a little bit differently, but oh still... it was magnificent!

I can NOT thank God enough for leading us to this church. To this Body of Christ. To this FAMILY. It is one that no matter where life takes us will forever be imbedded in our hearts and souls. We can not express enough how wonderful it is to be apart of their forever family! Thank you Lord!