There is a Cloud coming...

Man, the updates I have to share. I've stared at blank pages of my journal for the last 2 weeks trying to put together the string of words to adequately describe what's going on and words escape me every time. I try to look upon this little white box and it's blinking cursor and words continue to evade me. The multitude of words though in my heart and my head, the jumble of words I try to formulate to converse with God are so all over the place I pray He is piecing them together like a puzzle.

He stitches each part of our lives in such a beautiful woven tapestry for us to see as he turns a corner for us as one section ends and a new is about to begin. I pray that He is seeing more of the puzzle of my words form for Him as well. The beauty of what He is shaping right now blows my mind. A old is about to end and a new is about to begin. The emotion of that is too strong. And it's so strong it isn't just us, husband and wife, it affects, but also our children. Our jobs and environment affect them too. This is a chapter of closing for them as well. Tending to their hearts in this bittersweet moment words are still evasive in those moments as well. No one quite knows what to say. Everyone is sad and happy at the same time. It's the end of a chapter.

One we thought would be a long one. 

We are all excited for the new though. It's been so orchestrated by God that though I fought and argued and dug my heels for months... it really is undeniable this is a God move. 

What do you do in the moments where you want to pour out, document, make your Ebenezer, yet you have no words? 

All I know is "There is a Cloud" that God is forming and that scares me... in an exciting kind of way. I feel like God brought this song to me in a way I could dissect each line and take sermon notes on it. The way it hits me; overwhelms me. The timing to which He presented this song to my heart. I still have not fully grasped that "the dry season" is about to be over. I'm not all entirely sure I ever will. The thought alone brings me to tears I can't explain. It's been so engulfing to us the last 16 months, the seeking, the praying, the digging for our roots to grow deeper, we've tangibly seen and felt the hand of God, we've watched our children grow and deepen their faith as well.

I love the digging.

It's hard work but so incredibly worth it. I love the visual God brings to me with the digging. The massive system of roots He has growing down beneath us. The deeper they go the stronger we stand as the hurricane force winds hit us with each weather pattern of life. Each time, no matter the direction, a little harder, we stand a little stronger. I visualize the cedars of Lebanon. It bends but it doesn't break. I love where we have grown to in this season and I pray with all that I have that doesn't stop as the floods start to come. I struggle to write that last line. I struggle accepting compliments, I struggle receiving blessing. I don't want complacency to come back in and go back to a place where we've mentally been before. Apathy isn't welcome here. We have to fight tooth and nail to stay in this place of humility where those around us can't tell where we start or stop because all they see is the image of God.

I've been reminded this season that God can do above and beyond all that we can ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20). I wish I could formulate into words what God spoke to me with this verse months ago through a YouTube video of a Priscilla Shrier sermon. I still have one of those hands to head "mind blown" feelings about this verse. It seriously blows my mind that he wants to go beyond our beyond.

I sit and think on that and reflect on His wanting to bless us and stop and go, "but I'm not worthy." I want to just sit at your feet and be blessed by Your words coming to life for me. Any other blessing is simply material. Your words in my heart stirring to life a visual of me walking the dirt roads tangibly living out the same moments... that is eternal! That is the blessing! I don't feel worthy of anything else. Yet, to whatever capacity He is wanting to move in this season of upcoming rain, in the clouds He is forming, He says we are. Multiple people have come up to us and said His blessing is coming. "Get ready." I still struggle wrapping my head around that. Should God choose to bless beyond our beyond I pray we humbly reflect Him in only a way that mirrors the moon reflecting the sun. The moon does not shine on its own and we do not shine on our own. I pray we never never forget that.

None of this has been of us.

None of it.

I pray we never lose sight of the growth we've had, the path we've taken, and whatever the next storms of life may be (whether mole hills or steep mountains), that we continue to walk in the steps of Christ before us. Because no matter how rough the road is if His steps are there He's said it's safe enough to walk.

I don't know what the road ahead for us looks like. There are so many parts of this journey ahead that is uncharted territory for us. A way that we have never taken before. Mental hurdles of understanding and acceptance still walk with us, but we have peace. We have comfort because not a single time did God ever leave our side and He isn't planning to now either.

God is alive and moving. Not just in my life but in all of our lives. We just need an ear turned to listen and heart turned to seeking and receiving. He has a lot to say. A lot to breathe life into again.

I don't know what season you are in... just walking out of one, in one, or about to walk into one... whichever part of the path you are on hold strong... Christ is walking with you and He has his story to tell through you. You get to walk this path and show how mighty He is. It may not feel like it... but what an honor He chose you to share this part of His story!

What new normal are you walking into?

[Verse 1]
Hear the Word, roaring as thunder
With a new, future to tell
For the dry, season is over
There is a cloud, beginning to swell

[Verse 2]
To the skies, heavy with blessing
Lift your eyes, offer your heart
Jesus Christ, opened the Heavens
Now we receive, the Spirit of God

[Chorus]
We receive Your rain
We receive Your rain

[Verse 3]
Every seed, buried in sorrow
You will call, forth in its time
You are Lord, Lord of the harvest
Calling our hope, now to arise

[Chorus]
We receive Your rain
We receive Your rain
We receive Your rain
We receive Your rain

[Bridge]
Like a flood; like a flood
We receive Your love
When You come

Like a flood; like a flood
We receive Your love
When You come

Like a flood; like a flood
We receive Your love
When You come

Like a flood; like a flood
We receive Your love!

[Verse 4]
And with great, anticipation
We await, the Promise to come
Everything, that You have spoken
Will come to pass, let it be done!

[Chorus]
We receive Your rain
We receive Your rain
We receive Your rain
We receive Your rain

[Outro]
Ohh-ohh-ohhh, ohh-ohhh, ohh-ohhh
Ohh-ohh-ohhh, ohh-ohhh, ohh-ohhh ...

When Change Continues To Come Our Way...

That moment that your boys ask for a break in a sport they love and you feel so torn. Your weekends look like they just opened wide for the foreseeable future.

Don't get me wrong it couldn't be any reason other than God. I would be lying if I didn't say that it makes me on guard to be ready for my husband's heart due to what it could possibly mean, but that is the joy of not knowing God's thoughts. I love that they are not my thoughts though I'm praying for wisdom if what I feel is from God in preparation of what is to come.

Either way... Baseball is taking a break in our household this Spring season.

It really is a bittersweet moment. I want to cry when I think of not being at the ball fields to watch my boys' smiles when they make a great hit etc, but I know that they are going to be the best sideline cheerers for their big sister who is stepping into a whole new "club" playing soccer. Her schedule will be interesting to see how it all plays out, and it is exciting to see 100% focus and availability available to her as she takes on this new adventure. She is their #1 fan and I know they feel/will be hers as well.

Whatever is to come our way in the coming months I know that God has a plan.

One way or the other.

A year ago we were sitting in our living room with a broken heater ready to take on the year, no clue how it was going to look ahead. Here we are later with that provision and then some provided for over the year and we now face new changes for the coming year.

It is comforting to know that without a doubt a year from now we will look back and see how it was all for a reason, and that God provided for every single thing. Again and always. So, it's already shaping up in a way I wasn't thinking it would... here is to jumping into the unknown deeper still and knowing that God is going to have us on our feet on the other side.

Any "strangeness" already coming your way this year that you weren't counting on?

God has you. He always has and he always will.

To where I said, "Yes"

(sorry didn't plan the blogging break this last week. It was a busy week. Forgive me.)

First, want to take a moment to say... THANK YOU... to all of the amazing comments I have received on my post about wanting to be a better mother. You all are so encouraging and such a wonderful body of Christ! Thank you for your hearts, your support in knowing we all aren't alone, and your love. You all are so treasured by me. Sincere thank you's! You all are amazing mothers and God is blessing your homes greatly!
_____________________________________________________

Well, its official.

Last night I was asked and I said, "yes."

Here where I mentioned something could be coming... It is.

Tonight.

I am leading my own table at our weekly Women's Bible Study at church. So many dear ladies saying I am capable and will do great. So much encouragement = so many nerves. I am not so sure that the nerves are I can do it as it's more how will the ladies view me as a leader? I know God has written this all out himself. Trying really hard to not let the nerves get in the way.

I am so very excited about our study on Nehemiah by Kelly Minter. It's my first study by Kelly. I have seen her Ruth study in the stores and her style has always appealed to me. God is going to move during this semester!! Nehemiah and his wall holds significance to my husband and I, I can't wait to how God is going to take his stone wall even deeper!

So, here is to saying "YES" and letting God work through me. Leading this table will only be under his power. Full dependance on him to be HIS words and not my own. I am praying for the ladies that will be at my table tonight. That they hear God, feel God, and he moves our table in such a way that only he can!

Here we go. Taking another small step toward all he is preparing me for.

Here is a promo of the study we are starting tonight. :)





To Go be the glory...

Be Still My Heart... The Script Writer is Working...

Oh my mind.

It's spinning circles this morning.

Not sure it's really headed in one direction or the other, or just looking back and forward of all that is... my script.

My marriage. 

My family. 

Our Homeschooling. 

The season of life that we are in. 

All of it. 

Looking back it's been such an unbelievable ride. If you told me all those years ago that I would be where I am today I would not have believed you. The script then didn't appear at all to be leading to scenes that are now unfolding for our audience. I love the way the story is unfolding. Predictable parts. Tears. Laughter. Climaxes and rollercoasters. Love. Anger. All the parts of a good story... written by the best author and screenplay writer around.

God. 

How blessed is that!? 

Money can't pay for that awesomeness. 

His Son's blood did. 

I am so blessed. 

Unworthy and yet here I am. 

It's that time of year to where everyone RE's everything in their lives. You know re-evaluates, re-dos, reschedules... you get the point. They RE... everything. The fresh starts come every morning yet we always long for RE's at the beginnings of months and years. Since both are so fast approaching, and I am human after all, my RE word is jotting ideas down on paper seeking God what RE do I (we) need to apply in this coming season.

What changes to my script need to take place, be added to, tweaked, or relished more of. 

More time with my husband. 

That is a big one that needs to take place. 

Just us.

More time away from the phone and computer. Soaking up all that my kids are and love right now, in this moment, that is them. 

More freedom away from the scrutiny of the lesson plan telling us what to learn that day. 

Or the textbook saying how. 

Pursuing the new desires of my children. 

More breaks for dancing in the living room and laughing till our sides hurt. 

More moments to through out the calendar and just dive into an adventure. 

More yes' to the next steps God has called us to pursue in his Kingdom.

Sounds crazy simple doesn't it? Yet it always ends up so black and white. It has to be this way or no way. That isn't really how it has to be though. There is room to do it all like that. If we make effort to do so. 

We've been praying about our homeschool. The craziness of the last year and years beforehand has not exactly provided the vision we thought our homeschooling time would look like. We've been praying about what next or how next. I keep hearing... "you are not yet done, my daughter." That scares me and excites me at the same time. Any homeschooling momma I think can fully appreciate that honesty. 

Scared: 

What does that look like for us? 

Excited:

What does that look like for us? 

These past 2 light schoolwork weeks has been rejuvenating for the soul. It's allowed that quiet time with God asking and the listening my heartstrings have asked for... yet I need more. Long for more and my listening ear knows there is more. Awesome homeschooling time awaits us around the bend. 

Topics and talks. 

Exploring and growth. 

Stepping away from the schedule and lesson plan and not freaking out if it isn't all complete. 

Looking at the time... the irreplaceable time... that was spent growing with my kids. 

That is far more important than being on the right lesson number coordinating with the date on the calendar. 

Lots to still ask, listen, and respond to. 

So much God is preparing our hearts for. Next steps and new adventures in this life of ours. There is more new on the horizon. No light or sign but it's one of those moments where you feel a change in the scene coming. Although, as any good writer does, he leaves the audience clinging to their seats with baited breath for that moment. The best part is this writer calls for his audience to be clinging to his feet with baited breath from his next soft spoken word to warm their soul and direct them to their next scene vs just their seats. Yet both require being still and full attention on him.

We are clinging to him. Anxiously awaiting all he wants to reveal. 

The story isn't over. There is no ending as the year is drawing to a close. This is just the beginning and not because the "new" is weeks away but because this just happens to be the best part of the book. Where you feel you are really getting cozy into the story... that is your life.

Song of my soul... One of the many...

I'm tired, do I have to keep proving myself
I'm weary and drawing from an empty well
I need You more than I ever have
So Jesus come and shatter my darkness somehow

I won't speak until You speak
I won't move until You move me
I won't sing, sing over me
I will wait as long as it takes

I'm restless for something significant
But I'm helpless cause I've done all I can
I want You more than I ever have
So Jesus come and hold me, I'm shaking right now
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

I won't speak until You speak
I won't move until You move me
I won't sing, sing over me
I will wait as long as it takes

You are the Comforter so comfort me
You're the Sustainer so be enough for me
You are my Father and Your love for me
Is where I find my rest

I won't speak until You speak
I won't move until You move me
I won't sing, sing over me
I will wait as long as it takes

What a difference a year makes

In the last 5 days I have been trying to write this post 3 different times. My drafts list is looming. I should probably work on hitting publish this time huh? 


One year!? Can you believe it!?

It was one year ago today that we started off hitting the road towards our new state. ONE YEAR!? Seriously!? It honestly feels like yesterday. So very much has happened in a year's time frame. We left the one state we had lived outside of the state our family lives. We left the one state where we found God and ourselves and what our marriage really is. We left behind friends that became family and our children's first real friends. We left a place that became home to us on so many levels to again branch out, following God's lead this time, to another new state.

Let me the tell you the ride has been wild! Through all the ups and downs of this entire year God has been every present and it's been amazing sitting over here in the passenger seat while he effortlessly stirs the car his way.

We experienced so many firsts this year too. We have been sitting around just in awe of it all. The good and the bad. The rough start the trip started off as to where we are today. It is so night and day I tell ya. Kind of reminds me of this dog we saw as we started our trip last year. Although I can sure you God does not drive as crazy of the woman behind the wheel here. This poor dog kept looking over at us as we passed him like, "Please, help me. Now!!" I look at this picture though and see myself looking through the window as this last year passed by. What did I miss as I was looking for others to help? What did we love (or even not love at the time but do now) about it all we saw/experienced when I turn forward to watch what God was reveal out the front window?

The process alone has been amazing. The steps and faith building road this year as been for us will be one that we never forget when we are old and grey(ier). The splendor of the King and all that he has done and is doing for us has lead us to a year we are so incredibly grateful for. This Thanksgiving season that alone sums it up. We are warm, healthy, stronger, and safe in the arms of our Father, wrapped in His Will seeking the next steps he wants us to take. The road winds and bends but we are excited about the Lord has in store for us in the next year to come.

I am extra thankful though for the fact that while I may still be maneuvering around boxes for 2nd Thanksgiving in a row, this year I won't be unloading a trailer the day before and we can cook the meal ourselves in our own place.  Although I will miss seeing my best friend this year. We got to eat with them last year. It was the first time we had seen each other in years! Miles and life may separate us once again but I love her to pieces and treasure the time we had. :)

So as today continues I am going to be so thankful for the room to stretch and not being cramped in a car for miles and miles, but more importantly I am going to be thanking God for the most mind blowing year he has ever given to us!

What a difference a year makes...

God Knew What He Was Doing

Doesn't he always!?

This house. This city. Yep, even this state.

The people God has placed in our lives. The growth he has allowed. The inspiration that has found it's way back into my heart. All of it.

The simple things as natural light in the house. From every corner. To the detoxing drive to our new residence.

My husband and I were talking about even yesterday. The life that we felt in our hearts had left has sprung wings and is taking flight. Our souls renewed. Even as we trip over the maze of boxes that still plague many rooms. There is nothing on the walls yet but a singular sign. "Give us this day our daily bread." I really think that sums it all up for us. All we want is God's daily bread in our lives. He is breathing in every nook and cranny of these walls. The amazing spot he gave me for morning time with him. Oh just it all.


Even in the glory of one of our first homeowners projects.... changing the seals on the tank.

I pray that I don't lose this feeling. Humanly, I know it'll dull but I pray that I chase after it harder than before. Not just for me and my walk but for my family's walk as well.

It's a new day. A new normal begins today within these walls. God made this day and we will rejoice in it.

A House in His Name

I am writing this from my desktop that is currently sitting on the counter of our new house! No big furniture is in yet but that is all coming in today!! We spent the night here last night for the first time. It was perfect because last night was our weekly Family Movie Campout Night. It was awesome! So peaceful! Although I have to say hardwood floors vs carpet makes for an interesting night always chasing after your pillow. Ahhh but it was worth it.

No loud upstairs neighbors stomping on the floor at 11pm. No cars pulling into parking spots and shining their lights right into the living room. Peaceful.

Currently my husband is on his way to our apartment to load up all the big stuff with some friends from church and bring it over. I am on kid duty as they are still snoozing on the floor of the living room. We have already unpacked some things and it seriously feels like home. I can't wait for the final pieces to get here. Sounds mundane but I am looking forward to grocery shopping later too. I think its cause it's just all the pieces to the new here. Bringing it all together. That and it means I'll have an actual coffee cup again too. Storeroom, while nice and does the job, not the same taste. ;) First world problems I know.

I am so in awe of all that the Lord has done in the last couple months. If you would have asked me this time last year, as we were busily packing and saying our goodbyes back home that God would so loudly say this new state is your home. That he would be giving us a house of our own to own... I would have said, "Anything is possible with God, but I'm not sure that'll happen right now for us." Oh how his thoughts and ways are better than mine. I feel him in this place. I want to make sure I do all I can to not get lost in the worldly desires of owning this house but that God is placed at the top daily. I want to give him our best. He is the reason we are in this place at this time. It is nothing we did.

Oh the steps that lay ahead. I anxiously await them. I come ready to God's feet expecting him to do BIG things with my BIG faith!!

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
¹² You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.
¹³ Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
    and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
    for an everlasting sign,
    which will not be destroyed.”
Isaiah 55:9-13

God's beautiful sunset he gave me last night. Perfection. 

Welcome Home

Today is back to reality. Our week long vacation back home is complete and bags still need to be unpacked.

While vacation is still fresh on my mind and we still have 2 glorious days left with no school on the books I am looking forward. There is a peace that came over us while we were back home. While we really want to move back we have the hugest sense of peace and comfort with where we are. We really miss all of our friends, that are more like family, we have realized what we miss the most was the scenery. In the big scheme of things not really what to be longing for huh? We are still in contact with the friends so the not "seeing" part is the scenery. That's what we miss. Does that make any sense at all? It's all jumbled in my head on how to explain too. Sorry. We had the pleasure of spending an entire day up in our old life. It literally felt as if we hadn't left. Of course that is outside of the showers of "WOW, the kids are so much taller!" "Oh I've missed you!" "Oh are you back!?" etc. We miss those faces but the love and support we felt from them spans the miles that separate us. The plus side... We get to spend forever together in Heaven so what's a few short years away?

Yep. Years.

In the past couple months God has been overwhelmingly awesome and loud that we will not be moving back home anytime soon. He solidified that for us 2 days after we were back there.  He has lead us to a step that keeps us on these southern grounds a little while longer. We had to share this news back home and while it was warmly received and supported you could see the sadness. Once they heard all God has done in this decision we were showered with the same love and prayers we had when God was so loud about moving us here. God is working and we got to go home and sing of his praises that he hasn't stopped. Such an honor.

We learned in our short time home that distance won't change the friendships. That while we long for mountains and greenery God is faithful and it doesn't matter where we are as long as we are who he wants us to be. The peace and soul refreshing moments follow when we are in his will. Location doesn't matter. The friendships we have there... eternal.

Flying back into "home"... this new state and soon to be new city...  it felt just that... home. The next couple years (or more, God only knows) of our family's memories are held on these streets. It's the first time ever in our 12 years together that we know without a doubt this is it. No continued longing or searching for where does God want us. This is it. This is where he wants us. Now, we plant more roots. Roots that don't have to do with a lease or a constant what are we doing in a year question. There is a lot of freedom in that. We are not sure God will ever move us back home. Home to the place we forced to move to in the first place may never be where he wants us again, but I am so grateful for the growth he allowed while we were there. Despite us taking over and making that move happen (because we wanted it and we turned it into God saying yes when he screamed no) he grew us and provided in ways we didn't deserve. The feel of this moment so different and so refreshing because there is no making it appear God is in this step. He is all over this step.

Do I still long or miss back home? I think I always will. It's where I met God. Like really met him. It's where he revealed to me I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible. It's where me was discovered. It will forever hold a special soft spot in my heart. The scenery... icing on the cake.

I look forward though with a sigh of relief.  We are taking God's steps. This is home now and the timing of going back home and realizing we are where we are supposed to be is uncanny and really only God. It was at (I feel) a crucial time for us. It was reassuring and greatly appreciated... all the little things God used to show us that yes we are exactly where he wants us was mind blowing this last week.

So, our new journey continues to take its next steps. It continues to grow our faith to limits we never imagined but are so grateful for. The views outside our windows has changed, our friendships haven't, and our faith only stronger. Being in God's will and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that we are where we are supposed to be, truthfully the most free we have ever felt. God is so good. He is reassuring and as we look back at where we have been we look forward to where he is leading us too.

We are home.

We are following God's will for us no matter where we takes us and will sing about how healing that has been for us along the way.

Welcome Home.

A little of this and that...

I woke up this morning feeling... IT'S FRIDAY... ugh it's not. It's only Wednesday. I guess after 2 crazy days with an eye doctor and an attempt at the dentist it feels like I have lived a week's worth in 2 days. Or maybe, and also, I am just so entirely ready for our fall break next week that I am wishing it was the end of this one. In that break we get an actually vacation home. Grandpa is getting married and we get to go, enjoy fall temps and colors, and old friends. We can't wait!

So much has been gone on here I got to thinking about home and where we were at a year ago. Unbelievable the amount of change God has brought us to and through. Can I just say I think this last year has by far been the craziest we have ever had!? It has been! A year ago we were 3 days away from my husband hoping on a plane for an interview that lead to our new journey. One that we had faith God had control of but his mercies through it all... bountiful! Now, here we are again on the horizon of more change and more dependance on God. He is working in overwhelmingly mind blowing ways. We are in awe of him!

I am realizing though I am looking forward to a school year that is not interrupted with boxes and chaos. It's getting hard on us all. I see the light at the end of the tunnel it's just figuring out how to make it there that is the question at hand. I have realized though that once this crazy busy comes to end soon I will looking and praying about different curriculum that is more family geared vs individual grade. I pray that will make the days go more smoothly and bring more to the table for my bored Kindergartener to do/learn.

Ooh, on a fun note... I made Marissa's homemade sweet tea this week... MASSIVE HIT HERE!!! Thanks for sharing girlie!!!! We LOVE it!! And if you love sweet tea as much as we do you absolutely have to try this! You won't regret it! :) I also have made homemade coffee creamer recently too. Another hit. Yay, no longer needing to buy at the store!!

The days are cooling some here, especially in the mornings. I am missing though the fog, the changing colors, and all that comes with my favorite time of this. I am leaning more and more to God for understanding on the why he took us away from where we were. The part of the country our hearts sprang alive to this time of year. I'm reminded his thoughts are better than mine and I will find serenity here as well. I just need to look for it. Until then I will look back at pictures and close my eyes to pretend the awesome fall feeling here. ;)

Well, I suppose since today is NOT Friday I should get breakfast and school started. It's another big day here and a late start might not help anyone. So until later... when maybe that day will actually be Friday. lol

Coffee anyone!?

Seeking God in the why...

My mind is all over the place tonight. A great night at small group and doing life with great people God has placed in our paths. My heart though, right now, is wondering what God is working on. There is so much that feels we are needing to make this state home, and so much that breaks my heart we aren't to move back home right now.

My children are sad. We are sad. They haven't made any connections like that had back home. Church is so big that deep friendships, I feel, aren't going to happen like at our old smaller church. But we know without a doubt we are at the church God wants us to be. It's just hard sometimes. The kids in the small group ignore my middle son every week. He comes home sad every time. The girl connection isn't what my daughter would like. She misses the the deep connections she had back home too. It's hard because what we had back home was raw and rare. Treasured and longed for bad.

What do we do!?

It's not just church friends. Softball life too. This season doesn't feel like last season at all. We all feel it.

A dear friend from back home told me not long ago it's like we are in a mission field right now. Missionaries here to this new state for a time being and I've got to level with you... It's hard. Alligator tears from a 5 yr old begging to go home and that he misses his friend. That rips a momma's heart out!!

I'm thankful for the leaders and friends of our small group and the transparency God is giving all of us. It's healing for the soul. I know God is working towards his plan. I know he has asked us to jump into life when we moved, but as this new semester of life it taking shape there are some things I wish we hadn't agreed to. While we are prayerfully stepping into all we committed to we will be taking a closer look at all we say yes to for the next semester.

With all of it all I don't want to lose the family connection. Especially since we are all aching for home so bad. If we are to make this home for a while I pray the ache goes away and margin in our lives is created. I pray the voids we are feeling gets filled.

Life is fast here.

Life was slow at home.

We prefer slow. We flourish and bask in the serenity of slow.

How do we heal sadness and ache and longing for slow in a fast place???

I'd love to know.

God has called us here but for how long? Only he knows. God has called us to jump in but to all of this? Are we sure? Seeking him we will continue to do, but it's killing me the ache in all of our hearts. Some days are good. Some days are bad. I wonder sometimes if the turmoil inside is because we are doing something outside of God's will or a moment I've allowed my head to over analyze.

I want my kids and family to flourish in God's will. I know he won't bring us here to break us, but we are longing for peace and comfort and friendships like we left behind. Life that fits our family like we left behind. We miss it and need it...

Just a bunch of sentences

Wow... It's been awhile. Words escape me at the moment. Life is slowly getting crazy again which means things feel like total disorder. No set schedule... busy with sports and life. Through it all though God has granted me the biggest amount of calm I've ever felt since moving. Which is awesome to me because I feel this is the biggest time in our lives since moving. There is a ton of awesome big things happening at church and we are so excited to be apart of it. A new season for our women's Bible study semester is week's away and I'm excited to see what all God will do there as well. Other than school feeling crazy off somedays we have successfully completed 4 total weeks of our new year and are enjoying 3 days in to week 5. Around these parts everyone started back to school this week. The hustle and bustle of all the kids preparing made me even more thankful that we started so early this year. The groove of that alone has been nice. However, due to lack of schedule and the dire need of one (and the beauty of inspiration from a friend back home), I have been working on a daily schedule for us. One for each day of the week so we can see the switches on practice/game nights. Responsibility lists are included and I am praying to change the heart of not being paid for chores and finding other creative ways for our children to earn money. I have always thought it not right to pay them to clean up around the house due to that being a life skill they won't be paid for later. We are tossing ideas around and of course Pinterest is helping too. *snicker* I'm praying these are the tools to bring back some of what we feel has been missing since moving.

All in all though things are going really well. Busy but well. In the days and weeks now since God brought light to where our perspective has been wrong about our new state the peace that transcends is indescribable.  He is moving. We feel him. Even in the everyday. Honestly, in this situation it is a peace and unanxiousness feel I have never experienced before. I pray to not go backwards again. While I know humanly I will stumble but I pray not to the level I have been before. If that makes sense.

This verse found me the other day. It's timing in many areas in my life is wonderful. It's as if falling in love with Christ all over again. So grateful for his words and guidance.

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:25

I know a way more upbeat post then of late, but I think it really speaks to all of our scripts. The seasons he has us in are up and down sometimes. Lessons to learn and grow from. Walking through the valleys aren't as lighthearted as the peaks of the mountains we have been lead to the top of. This is a mountain peak season for us. The valleys never the same lows and could be just plateaus but I have learned to walk out of the overwhelming feeling of those seasons, of all different levels, and pray I cling to those lessons and steps to over come overwhelmed when it's ugly head sneaks back in.

My script is growing.

My faith is growing.

What he is equipping us for is growing.

The lesson of the true meaning of perspective lately... life changing.

Upside Down Rollercoaster

What a mess.

Sloppy, crazy, upside down mess.

That literally describes the last 4 weeks. I don't even know where to begin on why things are so upside down. Can I scream I want to reverse the hands of time 7 months and just still be back home? No move, no life upside down... just no.

I am not even sure where to begin. Although I can say staring at this blog post area is comforting. I need to figure out how to do this more often. Possibly just from my phone. It's just so hard to sit here at my desktop. Back to the world it feels. Ugh. Old fashioned pen to paper seems to have been what my heart has reached for lately. Both as comforting I have found.

Anyway... The last 4 weeks have been insane to say the least! While parts of it were amazing all in all its been nuts! Emotions... crazy time frames... messes... ugh the list really goes on and on.

What I thought was going to be a simple summer... so far... has been the farthest thing from it. Let's see...

• Life with one car and activities during the day = horrible time schedules and a sleep deprived family
• Bug... Bed bugs more specifically. I just want to scream!!! That topic is a blog post in and of itself. 
• Did I mention busy!? 
• Softball Camp... Check
• VBS... Check
• One night in a hotel & Adventures in Odyssey Birthday Bash with friends... Check
• One road trip and first speeding ticket in forever... check
• Packing up my entire apartment... again... so the apartment complex can clean their bug problem... In the middle of. 
• Tons of thoughts of figuring out budget, homeschooling, photography, and graphic design work
• Crazy work things taking place as the company has completed the merger and are now choosing employees to keep for the new company.
• Jumping into apprentice leadership roles with church
• End of season softball party... they won 3rd place in their division. 
• Rearranging bedrooms
• Fully potty trained our 2 yr old... yay no more pull ups! EVER AGAIN!! 

I truthfully don't understand our life right now. The season we are in is confusing and sometimes... truthfully... defeating. 

I am thankful for friends that are there to be strong for me when I am weak. I am thankful God is there for me. 

I wish I could formulate all that is on my heart. All God is mentioning to do with our lives. This blog... yes, I realize that sounds funny but I feel so much more for this than what it has become. It's sad to my heart. 

I don't understand the turmoil that is going on. This season is one we were not expecting. I need to find the inspiration with where we live now, but truthfully my heart is having a really hard time with it.

It saddens me too that during all of the crazy camp weeks and then coming home to bugs I have stopped my Bible studies all together too. Satan won that battle. I need to get back on top so God wins again. 

I need to get going so I can get my day started. Lots on the to-do list and desire to do list. Must start making some headway. 

I promise no long breaks again and a total blog makeover coming soon. 

Miss you all... Here are some pics of all we have been up to lately

That about sums it up... I have a TON more I could post that I love but this is all I have time for right now. I promise to be back soon. 

"New" new... again

Yesterday was the beginning of the new.

The "new" new... again.

It's hard to put into words how I feel right now. How so many words have been said to us over the last week and how my heart is trying to finds it's right place on this script of mine. I am reminded that God is most certainly in control. I am reminded that I am safe and in his arms. He is working out a plan that I don't understand and while this new new doesn't change any of our day to day we have grown accustom to in the last 5 months it's still... New.

In my head right now a teeter tater effect is taking place with words I have been showered with. Abruptness if you will of "where did that come from and what is God telling them on my behalf." Is God using these words to prepare our hearts and minds for more... New?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8

I am holding strong to the knowledge I have that God does things that don't make sense but he is there through it all. The safety net only appears after I jump in obedience.

God is preparing... He is moving... Preparing us for possibly even more new. There isn't much I know right now except he is heavy on my heart. Lessons of surrender and obedience like never before. Next steps in my walk with him.

So as we walk into this season of unknown... again... whatever God brings our way his plans are better than anything we can imagine.

It'll be WORTH IT ALL

Surrendering for the wild ride

I really can't put into words what God is working on in this scripted heart of mine lately.

I can tell you though lessons I am working on...

*Being Intentional

*Surrendering... fully... all

*Being in the passenger seat or as my husband put it... the backseat. He doesn't even want to sit up front for the  temptation to scoot over will be too great. He doesn't want to drive. I don't want to either.

*Loving like Christ

*Following Christ even when it's scary

That is some in a nut shell. He keeps working on the same topics with me over and over and this weekend it seemed to click as to why. While I have professed with my mouth this is how we are changing and moving forward the heart hasn't changed. The actions have stayed the same. Kind of like "well it's OK tomorrow is a new day and I'll just start then." My frame of mind has continued to look for ways to control the situation and create backup plans.

My best laid out plans. Like saying "OK Lord, I hear your plans and this is how I will get me to your final destination."

That's just it I said I too many times. The Lord has laid on my heart what direction or goal he wants me to reach but I keep trying to get there by my A + B = C kind of list. I haven't been doing it God's way even though I thought I was since my ending goal was ultimately what he himself laid on my heart.

It hasn't worked out quite like I had envisioned. Quite worse if I'm honest. He is desperately trying to get me to listen. LISTEN. To walk his way and to show me he is working a new thing. While the goal seems to be the same he is going about a new way to get us there. If only I'd follow his steps and not mine the path wouldn't be so hard. That seems to be the theme of this whole move though huh? A new thing?

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19 (NIV84)

 It's strange but 5 months in I think I am finally getting it. I could've saved myself a ton of tears and heartache if I would've stepped back and just let go. Instead I had to have my hands around it with my doodle marks marking up the page.

No, this here, and then that will slide in here, and then this will be left over.

The problem is that has only gotten me all over the place. It's gotten me to sidetrack my family and have them all over the place.

Last night my husband and I were talking about our individual intense Bible studies at church last night. While the topics were different they were very much the same and my husband shared an analogy a fellow gentleman shared. Let's see if I can get this to come across the right way.

God is mowing our yard. He has a plan and is mowing in order. Up, down, back and forth, side to side. His style and methods make perfect sense to him and he is keeping it look nice. His only request is we edge it. Prune and take care of and follow the outside path he has drawn out for us. For us to not be worried about a patch that may seem taller than the rest, etc. Just edge the outside. Instead we like to look at the grass and say no we need to hit here and then over here, and then back down here. We are making the worst set of crop circles ever and actually making our lawns a complete mess. We keep thinking we know how to mow better than God. Cleaner than God. So not the case. 

It really hit me that is exactly what I have been doing for so long... especially with this move... that it's no wonder I feel so upside down with things.

I want a wild ride with God. The wild ride he has planned for me. I am getting out of cruise control where I've been. Comfortable... going his plan but my way. I am sliding out of the driver's seat and relinquishing control.

I surrender... ALL.

I am praying daily to remember it's not about my to-do list but his. That I need to go along unswervingly and edge my property. The lines are beautiful and I plan to stand on and claim all that he has given me HIS WAY. I resolve to no longer allow Satan to play my husband and I against God's will for our lives based on our weaknesses.

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6 (ESV)

He is moving and working on a plan that is going to blow our minds. We feel it. I am praying I haven't missed it due to my control nature. When fear starts to creep in and I feel myself wanting to inch over to where I don't belong I need to remind myself to check the rearview mirror. I need to ask God to remind me of his faithfulness in my past and to ease the demons inside trying to tell me my way is better. God will tell me "Do you not remember my faithfulness?" He has provided. He has it all under control. He is driving and I need to stop being in the passenger seat trying to jam my foot into the floor board praying my invisible brakes will stop the car from going out of the comfort zone.

I am definitely with my husband... The backseat... The only place I want to be and not as a backseat driver either.

Here I am Lord. I surrender all control and invisible brake pedals. The road ahead is nerve wracking to me but I know you already know the path. Help me to hold unswervingly to your direction and voice in my life. I give it all to you. 

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23 (NIV84)

So, I ask... Do you want a wild ride with God? If so who is driving your ride with Christ?

The ride can't be wild if you are driving and know when you are braking or using caution...