this is only a scene it is not our story

There it goes again.

Did you feel it?

The floor fell out once again.

I don't understand what is going on. I don't understand where God is leading or wanting for all of us. I don't understand the point. I'm trying but clarity hasn't come yet. I know someday the bridge will have to come from the here and now to the understanding on the other side of this chasm.

I'm ready.

I don't know what else the chasm holds. I feel like we have hit the utter rock bottom, but as scary as that is and no glimmer of light ahead, I know God knows the light. I have peace. I want to curl up on the bed and rock and in the same breath I want to kick tail, scream, yell, and Zena Warrior Princess change the situation. I want to prove them all wrong and rock the problems to the curb.

The tears fall and I don't understand fully as to what each represents.

I was reminded though, coincidentally yesterday... when the world quit spinning, that this is only a scene it is not our story!

Steven Furtick of Elevation Church shared this clip on Friday morning. I shared it based on the caption alone. Little did I know only a handful of hours later as my world shattered this video would speak to directly where we are.

You can't judge what God's going to do in your life in the future by what's happening right now. pic.twitter.com/ddqldTNUDN

— Elevation Church (@ElevationChurch) July 21, 2017

The correlation God has brought to my soul of how we are like Joseph here gives me goosebumps. It makes me think back to October 2016 (a year after our life was turned upside down the first time) how God revealed to my soul that we were like Paul and Silas in prison.

Paul and Silas thrown in prison and Joseph being thrown into a pit to be sold but his loved ones. People he trusted and did life with daily. That is how the last job felt.

Then Joseph sold to be a servant. The next scene he didn't ask for, didn't really want, but it was to be played out anyway. This had to have been super uncomfortable for him. I would've been walking around moving the water jugs and moving the oxen mumbling to myself, "Don't they realize I am favored by my father?" But no, he didn't. He went about doing the work set before... minding his own business. Yet there was still someone else set out to destroy him. Malice intent. Staged evidence against him and falsely accused him.
This proved to be the most recent job.

I love how Steven said, "If you keep looking at the pit you are going to miss the palace."

Whoa.

Seriously. We can't let this scene wall us in to forgetting that we are the children of the Most High King. He has not failed us. He won't fail us. Do you not realize where Joseph ended up? The pit and the palace did not hold him down. God wasn't done with him then. God isn't done with us now.

The unknown is so utterly scary when I let my head try to add everything up and come up with a game plan. Truth be told there is no humanly way possible that I can see this can be sustained for long. Just since Friday morning, the outpouring of love and prayer over our family has overwhelmed us.

God's goodness overflows.

God has a plan. We don't know what that looks like but when I sit back and remember that God has already seen the end of the road it's comforting.

I'm sad.
I'm mad.
I'm hurt.

I'd be lying if I said that my head isn't willing the phone to ring for an interview. That for the sake of my children they see change flow soon. That the even worse case scenario doesn't have to play out. There is no promise through, of course, that it won't. The only promise is that God is good all the time.

I am holding on to this verse. God has seen the way. This is nothing like we even had our heads wrapped around almost 2 years ago when this journey started. All thoughts of "maybe this" have been stripped away.

I simply have no clue.

But I know that even if we lose it all God's reasoning will be told in the end. I pray for strength for my family. I pray we hold onto God. I pray the phone rings and direction is revealed.

He shook the prison gates open for Paul and Silas and brough the jail guard and his family to Christ.
He gave Joseph the palace and a way to provide not only for his family during the famine but all of Eygpt.

He has a way for us too...