70X7

The last couple months have been a rollercoaster.

So many moments that scream, "This isn't fair!" Moments I don't understand at all. Moments where I have seen a loved one cry over the cruelty.

It isn't fair and I am angry.

There I said it.
To more than just a close friend and the loved one. I've now said it to all of you.

I am angry. And yet through that anger God keeps saying, "I've got this. Keep holding on." Not just to me but to another feeling the same way.

I don't know why things happen the way they do. I don't know why God puts us in uncomfortable situations. I don't know why God puts people in our lives that essentially tear us down. Maybe it's to build us up on the back end? Maybe it's to prune us and build the "tearee"down to build back up? To show they don't have the control they think they have? This weekend it seemed clear that one reason may be to be the light in a self centered dark world. That it may be a "70X7" kind of moment to keep turning the other cheek and show God's grace through it.

Matthew 18:21-22 {KJV}

21Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

22Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

I'm not going to lie though that feels disheartening. It makes me want to cry and I worry about what that will destroy if it's lived out. One heart can only take so much rejection. Yet I am brought back to center with the reminder that "we are to be in the world but not of the world." That the people around who hurt have been hurt themselves. That Jesus was not always welcomed, he was torn down too, and yet He was always there.

What is it that he said... "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." ?

While deep in my heart I am almost positive this situation they know what they are doing... I can't help but ponder do they really?

Hurt people hurt people.

What is the back story?
What are we supposed to learn through all of this?
What are we supposed to do through all of this?
What are we to do about the future?
Why are in the environments that we are in?

"You must really hate someone to not want to show Christ to them."

Ouch huh?

There are a ton of unloveable people in the world. People who go out of their way to hurt and destroy to build themselves up. I think we need to remember, as much as our human nature doesn't want to, that maybe just maybe they are desperately trying to fill a void they can't fill because they are filling with all the wrong things, and destroying us, destroying you, is the only way they know how to function.

I have no doubt that God is in control, and I know a lot of brokenness is coming for the growth on the other side. My heart breaks for the breaking that is coming. It scares me because I don't know what it'll look like. So many thoughts feel back to square one again.

Yet as usual, God is there. Right there in the midst of it all. This morning even with a post from last night I didn't see till the top of my FB feed showed it to me this morning.

He was there this morning in my devotional this morning. In verses that stop you and say, "Really?" Even when you know, without a shadow of any doubt at all, yes, of course really. 

It's time to stop resisting and start trying to live as Christ. He has a plan. He is in control, and even though it feels like we are swimming in the valley it is all according to His purpose. If even ONE comes to Christ or is shown Christ through it all, none of it has been in vain.