I'm sitting outside, alone, listening to God, the gentle rain, and the morning birds. The magnitude of what this is doing to my soul I can't describe. There is so much emotion wrapped up in in the sounds and appearance of this starting day.
Yesterday in Five Minute Friday, the word was Grasp and I so badly wanted to write about it. I had topic and sentences and was ready to go but I felt God saying, strongly, don't. So I left the keyboard untouched. So why this morning? He knew I needed more than five minutes.
There is so much I have been grasping and trying to grasp in the last months. Our life here, God's will, friendships, our crazy no margin schedule... The list really could go on and on.
Friendship is what is strongly on my heart this morning though.
A friendship super dear to me has been struggling since I moved closer to her. Now she is gone and its struggling even more. I've prayed and wondered why and I've felt... You're still friends, it's just not your season like before.
I've been grasping that and I have peace.
See, I'm grasping God has people in your lives for a season. Ones that are your rocks through times only they are the ones he can work through it with you. But we all reach a time when new seasons come up, and while they may have gone through similar paths God wants to use someone else to get to your/their heart. Nothing wrong with that because God is still working on both of you. "You'll always be friends." He has told me. Just right now I am grasping that I'm not who he wants to use to get to her heart when she is searching and visa versa.
That's not to say I fully understand it or like it because I miss her dearly, but it's coming together for me more and more with reading her words. God is moving in her heart. In her life. My prayers for her have never stopped, nor will they ever, she is one of my best friends but right now God is using other best friends to walk deeper with her. It's my season to step back.
In return, I am grasping more running to Him. More. Deeper than before. Is that even possible after all my script has brought me to and through? I can say a huge resounding, yes! It's deeper than I imagined. The growth he is lead me to is like nothing I've ever experienced. I'm seeing things in new light and new understanding.
From what I've read of her words this morning... He has lead her to it too!
This isn't to say at all that I couldn't grow like this with my best friend because I have. He has just decided to test different parts of our faith at different times in this season. He has shown me to a whole new level that my thoughts on a situation are not his thoughts, and that my ways (and expectations) are not his ways. It hurts sometimes that my ways aren't how they worked out, sometimes definitely feels like I was missing out. Months later though I'm realizing its because he was shaping me, and my best friend, for the moments of grasping we are in right now.
I've learned in the past couple months to not react or count something out just because it happened in the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19
God is moving. Huge. In both our lives. He is moving in ways we don't fully grasp at all, but it doesn't matter because he is working. He hasn't left us and he hasn't let our friendship die. He hasn't let us drift apart because we aren't supposed to be friends or because of an argument. He lead us into different seasons so our voices wouldn't drown out his. He brought with us other best friends that could walk the paths with us. For us to sing of his glory to each other. For hope and his glory.
While we are never far away and will always be best friends this season and time in our lives he is choosing to use others to walk these scripts with us. Like I said I don't fully understand it but to know the peace that even though God has us in separate places he is always with each of us. Walking with us and carrying when needed, he has and will always keep her in my life. We have grown to be family over the last 13+ years. We had a season of living under the same roof, a season where life was dark and silent, a season of awakening and of constant, and now this season.
It's not a season of gone, its just a season of someone else's turn. A someone God hand picked that was the best equipped. Will we ever have that Devine same closeness... I think so. God just is wanting to teach us something each in our own rights, in this season, he could only do this way, and when it comes time for the next phase of our friendship... It'll be something else awesomely God gift wrapped to grasp.
I can't wait!
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