Struggle

In one way or another God keeps bringing this word into my life.

I wouldn't be very transparent if I didn't share that I struggle would I? Right now in my script there is struggle.

Mommy struggle mostly.

Homeschool life, my 3 year old forgetting he is potty trained and yea... I feel like we are starting all over again. Accident after accident. Grrrr... Things piling up and the balancing act getting higher and higher. Oh yes full blowen trapeze act with swirling plates happening right here.

Free admission for anyone who wants to watch. I can not promise that plates won't fall and break though. Fair warning.

I am realizing though more and more I am the reason it's like this. Yes, God allowed it but he is wanting to teach me a lesson. Just another moment of showing where I can't function in this life for even a minute without his help.

Homeschooling. Not for the faint of hear especially when life is crazy busy. I've felt very defeated lately. Asking why and if it's time to move on over and over again. However, over and over small reminders arise to remind me why we are still called to do this. I am also smacked with that what I'm angry at is all self inflicted. However, I am making out to be their fault. 100% mommy guilt. My actions are not following my intentions. I read this post today by Ede. Love her!! (if you don't read her blog you should! Amazing story!) It was as if every letter she typed was taken from my heart. The encouragement it brought this weary soul only God could have lined up that timing! So grateful. I know every day is a new day but least be honest shall we... I can't make a new day in the middle of the week. I function much better starting fresh at the beginning of the week. Ha which is probably what leads me to my meltdowns midweek huh?

I'm human and I have a ton to work on.

Potty training.... Oh my Lord, help me! Where did the off switch go!? Seriously!! I really don't get it. I hear it's normal. I hear it happens to my friends too, but seriously... now!? Why us!?

The up hill battles are small, I know. We will cross over to the plateau soon, I know that too. I was reminded today though that we are free to struggle. Christ has delivered us and to struggle for things in life he puts in our path are just moments to praise him. Drawing us closer to him.

I'm struggling.

There I've said it out loud. Satan is now defeated. Half the time anymore I have no idea what day it is anymore. I know that though I am not struggling to get free... I am free to struggle. I will sing about the pages of my script I am in. I will overcome them. I will not allow Satan to continue anymore to keep the failing thoughts present for me. I am doing all God wrote for my script right now.

Feeling like a failure in these 2 specific areas are definitely my chains right now. I will drop the chains.