Man, if you're struggling to accept God's will, how comforting is it to know that even Jesus struggled, cried, and sweated blood to accept it?
Whoa! I've never thought about it that way!
But he didn't waver. Job didn't waver but the disciples did. They were chosen yet human. Human like us and that brings me so much hope. The above quote brings me hope though too... I'm not alone in my doubt, fear, or unbelief moments about something happening, even though I know way better than that.
The last 2 weeks at church our Pastor has been talking about making disciples but then this week trusting with what we do have. The story of the five thousand came up and the fact that the disciples didn't trust that the loaves and fish would be enough. This is a passage in the Bible I fall back on every single time the grocery budget is lower than I expected. See that I... God knows when it's lower. The beauty of this passage here is what my Pastor revealed to us in it. God didn't need the disciples to make the loaves and fish multiply he chose to use that moment to have THEM fulfill the miracle to grow THEIR faith.
The question was posed last night in group do you really think that man 3,484 really understood the magnitude of the piece of bread he was handed to eat!? Heck, no! There is no way he knew they started with only a five loaves and 2 fish way up at the beginning of the crowd. The disciples wanted Jesus to feed them. Jesus reversed that and said NO... YOU FEED THEM. They doubted all the time yet he repeatedly used them to grow their faith so they in turn could go and share HIS STORY of mightiness, grace, redemption, love, mercy, and on and on through their lives.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
He took their moments of weakness and should his strength and mighty power. Through their hands. The miracle happened in their hands. As they broke the bread it multiplied.
The disciples struggled, cried, and bleed to accept God's will everyday of their lives. He redeemed them and used them to change the world. He can use me, forgive me, and redeem me from my doubt, fear, and unbelief too so I can change the world telling HIS STORY through my life.
This too was from this morning's devotional. Its time... impeccable!
It's when we're in our moments of greatest weakness that He is in His moments of greatest revelation. After all, "His strength is made perfect in weakness."
This weekend we doubted. We didn't believe all could happen with the too little we had. We cried, we struggled and tried to accept it. We failed. We know in our weakness and praying for forgiveness God's power was made strong and he will multiply. Even still. A teachable growth moment for us even before we heard the sermon. God invited us to watch him work a miracle and we took it upon ourselves to provide the need we saw vs. waiting for him. Just writing that makes my stomach sick. How could we have done that after all he has been working on for us in the past weeks and months. A hard lesson was learned. A prayer of I'm sorry said for our doubt. A moment of weakness we pray doesn't appear like this again. He multiplies what we give him. Always. We can't forget that.
The miracle is in our hands... we have to let God put what he does into our hands and watch by our faith it multiply to cover even more that we thought needed to be covered.
He is working on my heart. I was told not to beat myself up over this weekend too much but I have to be honest that is a heck of a lot easier said than done. I feel we failed too big. I know that isn't possible and God has been working on all he has been even knowing this bend in the road would appear for us. I think what it comes down to is what have we learned. Our hearts were in the wrong place. They are now corrected, BUT I know what hurts the most is we deliberately disobeyed. :( It hurts bad. How do you correct it? I know he is made perfect in our weakness. We are forgiven. How do I tell my heart that?
By person 3,484 you know the disciples have to be just beside themselves for not believing. For me, I was in that spot just a couple weeks ago, and then when faced with another tight spot for unbelief this weekend and I failed. Where does that leave me? Human and weak and in need of my Savior's grace and forgiveness... Daily!
My the song of my heart today...
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