Motherhood failure.
Our family has been turned so upside down from what it used to be it's head spinning. Last night was one of those meltdown... where's the journal to cry it out to God... kind of moments. You know the ones... the 100th time the little one gets out of bed, the oldest one is making every excuses to get up as well, and peaceful bedtime flew out the window the second you said Amen.
This seems to be our normal routine of late. Even during the day. We have lost our family selves in this move. The old family dynamic is gone. There is a heavy mundane "whatever" blah "ok" response that hangs over everything we do. We are all feeding negatively off each other and it's not working at all. It negatively affects all we do. We used to talk with love and have fun.
I miss that.
As my husband got up for the umpteenth time last night with the littlest one I felt my heart crying out to God. Asking him to restore our family. I don't know if it's been the crazy schedule. I don't know if it's the unseen umbrella Satan is trying to put over us with the unknown. I don't know what it is, but I miss the peace within our walls.
God is working on us and teaching us about storms in our lives. Sunday's message was perfect timing on a number of levels and topics currently. I know he will restore. I know there is a lesson to learn yet again. I have to remember like Peter to step out onto the storm in faith and that by keeping our eyes and family focused on God we WILL have victory and authority over the storm that currently resides here.
I have faith we will find ourselves again. We want to and need to. The storm this move is just not something we were prepared for and God is definitely teaching a lesson.
So much learning the last 5 months. Crazy it's only been 5 months. I think I've aged 3 years in the last 5 months.
No coincidence today's verse of the day on YouVersion is
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10
We need to remember this. While our family isn't falling apart or on the brink of breaking we are definitely feeling growing pains. I know for a fact while our intentions have been good... honoring one another has not been in the forefront. It's been each's to-do list and snapping first. Not at all how we want it.
So yet another page of the script is being read and learned. One I wasn't expecting.
"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7
3 comments:
Oh honey, my heart is feeling heavy for you. I do know a little of where you're coming from. We went through a rough spell where everyone in the house seemed in this kind of mood, with the 'whatever' attitude. I think this happens when everyone feels the stress of the move and the changes. Pray, pray and pray. Sometimes, when you don't know what else to do - just stand still and let God move.
Hugs!
Your posts are so real to me...I have walked down a similar pathway of everything being new and seemingly always difficult. The phrase beauty from ashes doesn't make sense until you are on the outside looking back...I am sure there are days where you are really tired of being stuck in the ashes. I know I was. He will hear you and he will raise you up!
When you get a chance, catch me up on what's going on.
Love you.
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