A Work In Progress

So much has gone on I don't even know what to start.

Family things with my sister I so desperately want to share, but I told her I wouldn't ask all of Facebook for prayers... And while she doesn't know about this blog I am not sure I can spill all that my heart is wanting to. At the same time I am wavering on the fact it'd probably be good to get out.

If you know what I mean.

While this "media break" I have seemed to have taken was not planned it has also been quite a good time of reflection for me. I have missed you all terribly and hope to get back to all the regulars and catch up! The community is wonderful! At that very same time I have realized how much time I was spending catching up with everyone and am need of figuring out how to make a balance.

I sadly have not picked up my camera much lately and that kills me. I miss it so. Life has been so busy lately. I need to learn to slow down. Enjoy the day to day and just... breathe. Yep just the simplistic aspect of breathing. Sitting back and watching the smiles and hearing the laughter. Something that has been apparently lacking in this sudden rush of life we seem to have been experiencing lately.

The weather has been lovely lately!! I love this time of year. However it plays on my heartstrings on how bad I yearn for a house of our own with a yard to explore in. I can't explain the ache I feel for one. Sooooo much on that topic and jobs and so forth has filled the walls of my apartment lately. Not all have been in pleasant words due to lack of control with the frustration in the waiting. It's something I am working on and very thankful for God's grace and a husband who has listened.

Still I need lots of work in that area.

I have also noticed in this time another area that needs lots of work on in my life and that is simply my walk with God. Yep I said it out loud.

That felt good!

Take that Satan!

I feel I have slipped. Not walked away. Not not believing... just seem to have adapted back some to the "I can handle it on my own" attitude. Let me tell you it's desolate out here in "I can do it on my own" land. God has never left but I can feel his hands raised up letting me walk all high and mighty waiting to catch me when I indefinitely hit that massive boulder in front of me. I miss the closeness and the peace that comes when I let God lead. Let God guide and direct my every second of my day. The worship and the fellowship.

I sadly have let life and the hustle and bustle take first priority and trust me I can feel how off it is. It's affected my attitude... outlook... relationships. I need to get back to where I need to be. The last few weeks a passage my pastor shared has stuck with me, and it wasn't until last night that it really hit this was meant exactly for me.

Romans 12:2 

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."

I can not tell you how much this solitary verse answers so many prayers and questions the last couple weeks and days. This one solitary verse of exactly what God wants me to do to hear him through the silence... to hear HIS will to fulfill our needs. 

Then yesterday this was the daily verse I got texted with...

I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. Psalm 17:6

He will reveal HIS will that I know and feel HE has coming for us, but unless I {and we... my husband and I} do these things then I feel we will miss hearing it. We'll miss the door and only see the window. That isn't what we want to do. I need to renew my mind and get right with God again. He will listen and take over.

I'm thankful for that. 

I am still a work in progress...