Feeling defeated and hopeful at the same time...

Have you ever been so paralyzed by inaction that it consumes you, you don't know where to start, and you feel like you missed what you felt God was calling you to do?

Missed opportunities?

Feel too much time has passed?

I am 100% in that season right now. I feel like I have let too may excuses go by those things I felt God wanted me to do I just dropped the ball on but feel so strongly I am to do. I wish person after person succeeds at things I've felt I was to do, and then I get paralyzed with even starting because of the most famous line... "What's the point?"

I watch how destructive this line of thinking has been more and more as I see some of these traits with my daughter even.

This train of thought is so defeating, but I feel I can't offer anything because my budget to keep up with the Jones' doesn't exist. I can't do this, and I can't do that... I can't afford... the list of destructive thinking goes on and on. Let's be honest. However, at the same time... I can root the next guy on to start like no one's business! Then it becomes his business... he becomes successful... and I am still sitting here on the sidelines wondering when is it going to be my turn.

Why is everyone so happy for everyone else making things, etc... but no one notices or hears things I've wanted to do. Family members included. Maybe there is a difference I am missing. Maybe they are going out and making things happen and we are waiting for the perfect lineup so we can do things? I don't know. But I do know I feel defeated.

2017 has been such an interesting roller coaster. The emotions. The ups and downs of every week let alone every day.

This year has taught me that life is not at all what you think it is going to be as if we hadn't learned that already, but that with God it always ends up better than we hoped for.

It's even in Scripture.

So while I've definitely missed the bus on multiple things, to begin with... maybe just maybe there is still time to see God's desires all the way through?

We need more action vs inaction. We need to start making time and priority for and with the resources we have vs excuses or fear.

Fear of failing.

Fear of no one listening or caring.

We've had that for so many years. There is a lot to work through with that. Fear paralyzes in even my prayer life because somedays I just simply don't even know where to begin. I feel so much in my heart but the words come out so jumbled that it doesn't seem to make sense.

I guess there are just so many things on my heart today that I'm waiting for, praying through, and hoping I haven't missed the boat on putting things I've felt God calling me to do. Things I've dragged my feet on, let fear and excuses railroad me, things I've watched others succeed at that I've felt I could do too but haven't. My year of "Still" has felt great but also passed over time and time again. As I also pray over what my word for 2018 is to be; I sit back and reflect on how, in some ways, I've been anything but "still" this year, and in other ways "still" is all I've done. So, I continue to be patient or at least try to be.

What are you waiting for or working through?