Daily shortcomings

Wanna hear a hard realization I just had.

It's gut wrenching to think about.

This year with schooling has hands down been our worst year in 9 1/2 years of homeschooling. Utterly awful. Arguments all the time. Apathy like no ones business, and more "I just want to check the box than take it deep and meaningful" then my heart wants to accept.

I would say I've failed this year. Easily. I would love a do over.

But what kills me the most... is I... yes me!... have been so overwhelmed with life and attitudes and repeating myself that on the good moments I have failed even more to say sincerely, "I'm proud of you!"

I just sincerely said that to my youngest son and it hit me like a ton of bricks... the question of "when was the last time you actually said that!? And meant it!?"

Ouch ouch ouch!!

Why is it so easy to tear down than build up?

I can't help but think of that old adage "it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile."

Well, isn't that the case with encouraging our children? Why do we always choose the hard way? There is so much I want to erase and rebuild. So much of a legacy I thought I had been changing only to wake and realize, in some ways, it never changed as I hoped.

I need to get more intentional about hands clasped over my mouth and thinking before talking.

I'm grateful for grace.
I'm grateful for second chances.
I'm grateful...

But I need to change this apathy and get back to the heart of putting what I was called to do first and not the check off list. Their hearts and true learning and memories are more important than what I need to do after school is done or the argument that always seems to follow these days.

They are more important and they need to hear it, feel it, and know it.
Just keepin' it real...