I wish I was more like Job

We are officially two months into our new journey. The cloud I spoke about last is still off into the horizon with promise and God's lining on it. He is keeping us tethered to him.

Which is great! Don't get me wrong at all!!

It's just one of those human things you feel like you've held your breath for so long you are waiting to know when you can exhale.

Yes, that right there... I'm waiting to exhale.
That's a great way explaining how it feels!

As we signed on with this new journey lots of questions arose, as with any change, where do the paychecks fall so we don't miss out on any of our bills being question #1. We thought we had asked the right questions (and maybe we had) and we thought we had gotten the right answers, and again, maybe we had, but it surely didn't seem like it was the amount. However, God was in control to every penny.

After freaking out and asking lots of, "How!?", "Why?!" "Okay, so what now?" "Oh, this is how!" after seeing the first paycheck come in.

God revealed struck me with, "I know you trust me. I know you know I'll keep you safe, but I'm positive you just lived out some of Job's reaction."

I don't feel like I handled it all very well, even though the freak out wasn't too long, yet God still took care of us and worked on my heart.

The reference to Job was refreshing while I also felt "Man, I wish I handled it as well as Job." Then God gave me a little "It's okay... don't beat yourself up."

I am currently reading When God Doesn't Fix It: Lessons You Never Wanted To Learn, Truths You Can't Live Without by Laura Story.

It's amazing!!

I'm reading it slower than I normally read one because there is just so much goodness inked between each page. If you read it have a pen or a couple handy... I promise you are going to need them!

Anyway, my heart felt such an overwhelming sense of His presence when I read the following sections after the clarification we received about our new paychecks and our moments of "freaking out." Even my husband had a cry, major talk with God on his way to work that day kind of moment as well, and then God turned around and smiled on him with a reassuring... "I'm in control here, don't fear!" He came home smiling and refreshed.

I love what God can do in a span of time to our souls!

Okay, back to the book. In Laura's chapter entitled "Why?" I found words that were like a cooling salve for what felt like very raw wounds. God reminded me of the faith I've felt and been walking out isn't just words but utter truth.

"We ask God why, believing the answer will provide us with some kind of deep soul satisfaction. But too often, we don't get the answer we want. I don't think that means we should give up asking questions; we just need to understand their role in our brokenness." 

After a challenge Laura poses her readers to do she turns and says this...

"If I am honest, I find that as I look at my list, there is a sense of peace that comes from owning my own why questions. But at the same time, I've discovered that the longer I focus on why, the less progress I make. When I continue to ask why, somewhere deep inside me the repeated questioning and lack of answers feeds a sense of entitlement. When that sense of entitlement grows, it usually leads to bitterness."

Anyone else feel that 2x4 swinging for their heads too?

Why do I instantly doubt sometimes?

Why do I sit and feel as if the hole will never end?

You see the light up ahead but then there is another blow that feels like it knocks you down another rung.

Job, even through the struggle, cried out in lament and held strong even when he felt he had nothing left to give. I've realized I may not be as strong as I thought, but that's the beautiful part through right? Maybe, in some ways, I am like Job.


It's in those moments God's strength is made perfect. It was made perfect through Job's pain. It'll be made perfect through the valley I still seem to be in.

Because it wasn't about Job; it was about glorifying God through every painful event and I'll do the same.