The War Inside Stinks

I can not believe it's been so long since I have been on here. Of course I have opened this screen a 100 times with no coherent words coming to my screen. Just the little blinking black line and huge white posting area begging for words to come.

Nothing. Writers block.

So what is different about today? I am not 100% sure. There are things I am mentally struggling with. I miss writing out my feelings. Although truth be told the safest place I feel anymore is in the sheets of my journal. That said I just don't write as fast as I type. Ha... thanks technology I can't keep up with my thoughts anymore. *wink*

I want to keep this blog open and don't all at the same time... So bad but I'm not sure what to do.

Anyway, It's been 2 1/2 months since we moved. Crazy it's only been that huh!!!?? It is for me. It's been the biggest whirlwind I've every experienced. In a good and bad way. Things are way different in some ways than I mentally thought they would be. It's hard to explain. I have to be honest though there are some things in my life right now I am wondering why did God move me here in the first place. Of course there is the big obvious reasons but I am thinking of smaller ones. Is it possible to actually feel life was more fun before we moved? Granted there are lots of new things going on right now, but I miss the life we used to have. All of it. Even the tiny little apartment and dreary days.

All in all though life is good though. I miss our friends sooooo bad from back home. I miss the community and environment that they encompassed us in. I have meet and grown in a group of wonderful ladies at church. It's been awesome. I am looking forward to see where God brings it. God is doing a ton in our hearts regarding our next steps within the new church. To grow and take part. It'll be a fun ride following what is laying on our hearts.

I feel it's time to recreate me again. My world has been rocked, obviously, the last couple of months and there are lots of things God is working on my heart with. Recreation, restructure, and growth is hard. Maybe that is why I want to get back to blogging and not close this blog down. I need to show the struggle and grow and not just the smiles and happy shots. Ha shots... none of those have taken place either.

A couple verses from Bible Study keep popping up lately.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

and

I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will NOT be shaken. Psalm 16:8

I need to hide these in my heart closer than ever right now. The war I feel inside of the differences I wasn't prepared for are making me feel a way I know God doesn't want me to. This is hard for me.

Lord, You know my struggles... My heart... my earnest yearning to follow your will. I know you wrap us with situations that build us up and tear us down for us a reason. I pray you lay on my heart the reason and how to handle and move forward with that. Thank you Lord for the lessons you are teaching me and the path you are leading me down. In your Son's most precious name, AMEN.