You ever feel some days it feels like you ripped the band-aide off a painful wound... Again?
It feels that way right this moment. As the tears are streaming down my face and I am screaming why!!??
Why did God move us here?
Why did God take us away more importantly from a Body of Christ like no other, and friends that are closer than a brother?
Why would he take that support system away from us?
For the most part I've been doing ok. A thousand times better than our first cross states move. The posts, pictures, videos, and now news reports of the amazing buzz our church back home is generating is pulling the heart strings even harder this morning.
This time of year alone is painful and hard to get through for me. I'm trying to make it better... To be better... To act better, but longing to be one place so bad isn't helping.
The news of a possible merger with my husband's new company and another isn't helping. All the questions and insecurities of what is to come isn't helping.
"Where does my help come from? It comes from the Lord maker of Heaven and Earth." (popped into my head as I was typing that last sentence.)
The "Ok God, I know you knew all of this was coming and yet you still chose to speak at such loud volumes saying to come... Why!? Why throw us essentially into the unknown like this."
I write that and it hits were they all there too much of a safety net for us? This whole experience has been a lean on & trust God like no other. To this magnitude is that how we are to be living? I know, I know that is a no brainer kind of question, but they knew us there. Like knew us knew us. Knew how to pray for us and God always spoke to us there. We had an amazing support system. Our church was our family! They were amazing mentors for our kids!
I long to be back in those halls with our family again so bad!
I am trying so hard to rest on knowing God is in control and knew this meltdown would happen. That we want to be back in our old state so bad with our friends and family. That even our kids friends are crying themselves to sleep at night saying it isn't fair! Will we ever live among them again this side of eternity? Before time and space apart grows between? Ha, although this family and friends none of that would matter. I guess that statement is more thinking of the kids and their friends, but even then this momma's heart would like to think time and space wouldn't matter for them.
We thought we had found a place where these kids were all going to grow up together and they all have a bound like nothing I've ever seen before! Us parents would talk about how we can't wait to see how they all interact in high school. They all homeschool. They all support and build each other up spiritually like nothing I've ever seen! Why would God take that away from us? From our children?
I don't understand it. I truthfully don't know how to seek the answer. Yes pray and quiet time with our great Savior, but it feels I need to do more. I'm not sure of much I've ever longed for as much.
Yep, even as excited as we were for this new adventure we still are hitting valleys along the way.
I want to go home.
There I said it. I want to smell the air again there, feel the warmth of our family, sit in our seats at church and be showered with God's amazing love through that Body, watch our kids play and grow there, experience first hand all the marvelous glories God is doing through that church in its community.
There is a reason why we can't I know that. It's just hard some days. I wish the band-aide wouldn't keep getting ripped off, and that I could see and feel the answer to my WHY!? more clearly.
3 comments:
My heart breaks for you, LyndsD! In a similar situation in my life I had to learn how to stop asking "Why?" and start asking "What?". That lesson was and is the hardest I have ever had to learn...in fact, I have review sessions still to this day when I am reminded to keep walking in faith.
May the Lord's peace fall afresh on you this very moment and continue falling as you grieve your losses. Change is loss. View it as such and grieve. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief, all the while looking for His hand in the new. Blessings to you and your family!
it hardly ever makes sense to our minds...back when it's said and done you'll be able to look back and see what the Lord was doing all along. it is hard. so hard. but SO WORTH IT!
He's refining lots of people for 2012!! :D happy new year!
The grass is always greener. We want something "more" - something bigger and brighter. And then we look back and miss what security and comforts we had.
Change is exciting but it's also stretching. Be patient. God is with you in Texas just as much as he was with you in Washington. And HIS people are in Texas just as much as Washington. Ask Him to lead you to them.
Post a Comment