How do you know?

I don't know how to read people. I am realizing this more and more. Friends... family... acquaintances. I either am thinking I am higher up on the friend status than I really am and the other end doesn't really think that way outside of seeing me face to face, or I have really been not a good friend and have warranted the off feelings I get when I leave any of their presences. I am not sure which is which, but I think somewhere I am lacking a key component. Wanting to have friends and being accepted. To be involved. I am not sure what it is but there is something missing inside me. Somedays I feel "like the king of world" and other days I play every scenario in my head. Somedays it's hard to tell which to believe. Friendships are so hard for me. For my husband too.

Which are real?

Which are just for face value?

I can never tell.

It is hard to know how to interact when these thoughts start to creep in and make themselves comfy. When you leave the company of people you know and start to replay the conversations in your head that you had. Did I say things that would turn them away from me? Did I butt in or interrupt rudely? Have I rubbed them the wrong way? Have I done something that is why we do not get our families together very often?

I am so insecure with the people I know. I second guess it all. Maybe it's because of how far away we live? Maybe it's not. Maybe it really is something with me they just don't like? Maybe I blow any potential real friendship due to just me every time we around each other? I don't know but something seems insecure. Unknown. Unpleasant. Did I say something wrong or our family just isn't really liked and people don't want to have around?

Have you ever felt this way? How do you deal with it?