Strengthen My Hands, Lord!

It's 8:15am and my kids are still sleeping. Partly because it was a late night, but then again every Monday night is. Partly because they aren't feeling 100% and partly because I am enjoying the silence.

Is that bad?

Yea I thought so too. I promise I will wake them up in a minute. I just want to sit in the ahhhh of the moment first. Steam from my coffee rising and the slightest hint of the frost on the rooftops glistening in the sun out of my living room window. It's peaceful. The weather is about to change from amazing spring weather Sunday to a high of 48 tomorrow and then 70's a day later. Crazy weather we have here. I guess that is why I want to let the kids sleep to fight off the weather changing bug that hopefully will not plague them this year.

I sit here at a loss for words on over all God is doing. Last night though I had a big test.

Can I be transparent and say I failed miserably.

I missed a huge blessing in a journey and took someone down with me.
My husband.

Awful huh?

The best part is not only did I know I was doing it as it was happening, but God wanted to make sure I realized I didn't handle the situation his way through the video teaching part of last night's study. After I finally sealed my lips... fuming at the situation and at myself, too ashamed to actually be nice and admit that I was way wrong... God kept saying, "Things don't happen the same way twice" through the movie Narnia my kids were watching behind me. While the scene played out I knew it was meant for me in that moment. It also was loud that "he's got it!!" I need to shut my mouth and let him work. Story of my life I tell ya! You'd think I'd know better and not blow up at information that was just given to my husband not even 15 minutes before.

Trust has been a huge word for me in this Nehemiah study. It's my rock I need replaced in my own wall to make my wall more secure. Sturdy. This was one of those moments. "Do you trust me?" He asked. "Can I work or are you going to think you have it figured out better than I?"

Ouch right!?

I need to apologize to my husband. Via text won't cut it so I plan on using this time today until he is home to really chew more on God putting me in my place. All is fine with us it's just I handled a situation way out of line and I need to make it right. Instead of seeing this situation as either a.) God saying this could be the way I answer one of your prayers. Just sit and watch and pray for my hand in all of this. or b.) Praying for strengthened hands and prayers for those trying to pull us away from the task, I did exactly what my husband said... blew it way out of proportion. I didn't give time for either prayer to be said above and they go hand in hand either way.

I know I am missing something else key God spoke to me on the short drive from where we were to church. Ugh what is it!? I'm telling you what I need a tape recorder in my head so I can go back and fully remember key moments with God like that hours later.


I woke up this morning on such a high from Bible Study last night. This study on Nehemiah is rocking my world. Even in just fueling the fire for a servants heart. An unwavering heart to finish the task God has placed before me well. To pray during adversity with more fervor for strength but also for those that are trying to deter me.

A little backstory on where I am at in Nehemiah. The wall is complete at this point in the Scripture and the only thing left to do is secure the doors and gates into place. Nehemiah has been receiving invite after invite to meet with the enemy who is trying to lure him away from the wall for a number of reasons. Nehemiah though sticks to his guns and stays persistent that he is to finish the task the Lord has asked of him and not a moment sooner will he come down from his "post" if you will. He keeps receiving these letters saying now that he has to come hide in the temple because people are out to kill him. The problem is that if he went to hide out in the temple he would be sinning and discredit would come to his name. He does not what that at all. We pick up the story in Nehemiah 6:8-9 with Nehemiah's response to the warning.

⁸ I sent him this reply: “Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head.”

⁹ They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.”

But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.”

I need God to strengthen my hands over the adversity or even just to not waver on if this situation is to prosper us and not harm us. Nehemiah then goes to PRAY for the adversaries!! Trust me when I say that was the last thing I was thinking about doing last night, but that is exactly what God is asking me to do. Instead of untrust and thinking I know what is going to happen the second I hear of what could be coming... I need to hold tight to the process in which Nehemiah faced and handled similar "distraction" from the task at hand. Just the other day even I was advised to keep on with the keeping my eyes on Jesus. A.) By a friend and B.) in our sermon on Sunday. I don't want to be like Peter the second God asks me to step out of the boat to doubt (although I too have witnessed all these miracles and Only God stories that is first thing I think of most times... I can't walk on water are you kidding!?) and start to sink when God has called me to walk on top of the storm with him. He catches me every time I sink but just once I would like to be able to keep my eyes on him and deter them to walk with trust all the way to where he is asking me to meet him.

Matthew 14:27-31

²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

²⁹ “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.“You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

I know this situation was brought up to test my strength and trust. I feel that with everything. I also know this isn't it. I didn't do so hot this but I am learning in the journey and thankfully it is not about the destination. I pray that when the next one arises I handle it way better and pray before speaking...

"Lord, Now strengthen my hands."

I need to also hold tight to that the fear to instantly want to jump to the wrong conclusion does not come from God. 

2 Timothy 1:7

⁷ For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

The first reaction to fear is all Satan because we are were we are supposed to be fighting what God wants us to fight against so Satan is trying to deter us. The hits come harder when you are in the midst of the journey. I need to work on being better equipped to lean back on the Scripture to walk me through the valley before I just give in to the fear of whatever is coming. He is really working on training me up on my words for this year and my rock in my wall. Grateful for the lesson.

Strengthen my hands, Lord. Please!