Am I really listening?

Have you ever felt drawn to pour God blessing out on a loved one and you walk away feeling like you received the blessing instead?

You turn to the Father and say, "Father, I am sorry I must have gotten it all wrong. Why do I feel like the blessing was given to me instead of me giving it away. Forgive me Father." He gently then leans down to whisper, "Child don't you know it was meant for you as well?"

A stitch in the moment that God weaves in to hit your heart strings singing, "I hear you too my dear."

Those moments are so majestic and so needed. I know I miss so many of them in my daily life. So busy fast talking or thinking and undoubtedly moving like Sonic the Hedgehog from one to-do checkbox to the other.

The last couple days God has silenced me. Quite literally I might add. I started to lose my voice Sunday morning. Monday night I had a table of ladies to lead for Bible study and I thought for sure I could "get by" with my apprentice doing all of the talking so I wouldn't have to. No such luck. I was to lead a different table, as a fill in leader, because God was going to give me the honor of watching some amazing revelation take place in a friend of mine. By Tuesday morning my voice was toast.

It was in this day of silence where a lot of whispering took place. I have to say though the day was actually one of the smoothest we have had in a while. I was blessed with compassionate children who were thoughtful to the fact their mother couldn't talk very loudly, if at all, and were very well behaved. As I sat there though into the evening hours I was struck with a thought that carried into yesterday. A day I might add that my voice sounded remarkably better. I was struck that this moment of silence, if you will, was God's way of getting me to actually slow down to listen to him.

Whoa.

All congested, coughing up a storm, and silent in this moment I was to rest and just listen to God. Although the coughing was loud the loss of my voice really did silence my head. It was beautiful how God laid it out like that. It was today that God revealed the cry of my heart during this time to the anxious thoughts that consume me lately.

Grateful that I can cry out to him and he will hear and deliver.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139: 24-25

And just when I needed it a dear friend shared this verse as well. Totally what my heart needed to hear.

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe... Ephesians 1:18, 19a

Though I was blessed to have my voice return yesterday God is still laying it on my heart to be aware of if I am really listening to him. I am doing a lot of asking but am I really taking the time to listen for his answer? Sadly I don't think I fully am. I see deadlines and sadly turn out like Peter in Narnia saying, "I think we have waited for Aslan long enough." Then I charge into battle all high and mighty thinking I know the right movements to come out victorious.

Why does it take the physical slow down to show where I am failing in the real slow down?

Are you really listening to what God is trying to whisper to you? That you can only hear unless you are silenced, but your own hand or God's?

God is trying to reveal something to me. I honestly don't know what it is yet. I think I spent more time figuring out the revelation as to why for the first time in years I was silenced. I definitely will be more aware of the level I am actually listening to. I am responsible for me. I need to not just look at my intentions but I need to make sure my actions are following suit. I need to keep silent to still my thoughts and seek God with all that I have so I will be acutely aware of his whisper when he decides to reveal what he is wanting me to see.