Friday is coming.

I am ready.

Beyond.

For peace and normalcy to enter the walls of our lives again.

Softball is over for the season but not without damage. My daughter didn't swing a single time yesterday at bat (or much of the tournament/season for that matter) and the talk we had with her about contributing to her team if she wants to play I'm sure has scared her for life.

We are not the parents we want to be. Or used to be. Not even close.

I'm tired of the chaos. This weekend losing our gas money to the locksmith due to locked keys in the car didn't help matters. That sealed our fate of not moving into to our awaiting house tonight among other things.

I know... Friday is coming.

Yes, I'm griping. Yes, it's a pity party but I need to get it out. I'm ready for it all to stop so we can breathe again. Flat out satan is winning. I know it and yet I still willing open my mouth with the damaging words despite the angel sirens blaring in my head. We've been smack dab in the middle of God's will and satan has found every weak spot. We are not as strong as we thought we were.

While I am sure the last year holds some fond memories for my kids... I'll be honest... I'm sure they are few. The peaceful calm of excitement with changing seasons and family tradition (or just life) hasn't been present in over a year due to this chaos. We don't function well in this at all.

It's scaring.

The awaiting calm of knowing we won't be thinking of moving in a year is more giddy than words can describe, but there is other chaos. Mounting bills coming. Our youngest son needing surgery. I'll be honest I've lost focus on seeking God in the details of it and have freaked over just that... The details.

The mounting list of needed items for the house we don't have. The car desperately needing new tires and a hose fixed. Really the list goes on and on. I'm not griping like we are the only ones. I know we aren't. I've just reached the end of my rope.

While I know the kids will have a good Christmas and have a new house as a gift I just pray it's a happy memorable time. Peace fills us as we walk through the door I hope we feel it as the days go on... Once Friday comes.

We used to be so carefree and adventurous. Used to.

We need so badly to get back to the laughter and fun that used to in compass us. Our souls need the rest and tears flow in hoping to cleanse but sadness wins out. We need a change in the 5 of us. It's hard cause I know the change is coming. I can feel it and see the light. The quicksand though is getting tighter and tighter.

I'm the reason it's getting tighter and tighter... I won't stop moving and fighting against it. I'm drowning in the list and I'm making it worse for myself and everyone else.

How do I undo the damage done?

Friday is coming... but is it too late?