My mind is all over the place tonight. A great night at small group and doing life with great people God has placed in our paths. My heart though, right now, is wondering what God is working on. There is so much that feels we are needing to make this state home, and so much that breaks my heart we aren't to move back home right now.
My children are sad. We are sad. They haven't made any connections like that had back home. Church is so big that deep friendships, I feel, aren't going to happen like at our old smaller church. But we know without a doubt we are at the church God wants us to be. It's just hard sometimes. The kids in the small group ignore my middle son every week. He comes home sad every time. The girl connection isn't what my daughter would like. She misses the the deep connections she had back home too. It's hard because what we had back home was raw and rare. Treasured and longed for bad.
What do we do!?
It's not just church friends. Softball life too. This season doesn't feel like last season at all. We all feel it.
A dear friend from back home told me not long ago it's like we are in a mission field right now. Missionaries here to this new state for a time being and I've got to level with you... It's hard. Alligator tears from a 5 yr old begging to go home and that he misses his friend. That rips a momma's heart out!!
I'm thankful for the leaders and friends of our small group and the transparency God is giving all of us. It's healing for the soul. I know God is working towards his plan. I know he has asked us to jump into life when we moved, but as this new semester of life it taking shape there are some things I wish we hadn't agreed to. While we are prayerfully stepping into all we committed to we will be taking a closer look at all we say yes to for the next semester.
With all of it all I don't want to lose the family connection. Especially since we are all aching for home so bad. If we are to make this home for a while I pray the ache goes away and margin in our lives is created. I pray the voids we are feeling gets filled.
Life is fast here.
Life was slow at home.
We prefer slow. We flourish and bask in the serenity of slow.
How do we heal sadness and ache and longing for slow in a fast place???
I'd love to know.
God has called us here but for how long? Only he knows. God has called us to jump in but to all of this? Are we sure? Seeking him we will continue to do, but it's killing me the ache in all of our hearts. Some days are good. Some days are bad. I wonder sometimes if the turmoil inside is because we are doing something outside of God's will or a moment I've allowed my head to over analyze.
I want my kids and family to flourish in God's will. I know he won't bring us here to break us, but we are longing for peace and comfort and friendships like we left behind. Life that fits our family like we left behind. We miss it and need it...
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