I throw my hands up!

I don't know what lesson God is teaching me right now. I guess that sentence alone sums up potential why I am still in this valley.

The apartment complex informed me that yet again the pest control company is coming to spray for bed bugs which means... AGAIN... I get to bag up our ENTIRE lives for a 10 minute spray and be gone for 4 hours. We have only lived here almost 8 months and this will be the 2nd time in a month and 3rd time in a year I'll have had to packed up everything!

I'll say it... I'm mad.

The end of our lease can not come soon enough. Sure we have no idea where we are supposed to move to. Sure we have no idea how a deposit for anywhere would come about, but we are sure we aren't to resign here. We are sure we are to move, but it's up in the air as to where. Why is this happening? Why would it have been so loud to come here just for all the craziness?

I don't understand.

I spent Sunday night bagging everything... Everything.... again. Because truthfully I don't have time this week. We are supposed to start school on Monday and they are spraying 3 days before then. I planned on using this week to finalize our lesson plans and make sure all our papers are in order and ready to go. Work on a schedule and relish in the last days of summer with the kids. I didn't want to spend it all bagging up our lives... again.

It kills me that this is the life my kids have come to know the last couple months. They don't understand either. My 4 year walked up to me yesterday and asked if we could live in a place that doesn't have bugs. Talk about a stab to the heart.

I know change is coming. I feel it in my bones. No direction or expectation is clear but I feel something. I don't know how to prepare for what's coming either. I really just want school to start and normal to enter our household again. This summer... This last 8 months... has been so hard. I feel confined. I don't know what to make of all of this. My heart yearns for God's clarity and direction. To give my kids answers and hope for change. Bless their hearts and childlike faith and acceptance. I envy it bad.

My anthem is for the Lord's will... whatever that may be... to take place and not the selfish desires of my heart because right now they are many. He continues to bless us in other mind blowing ways that I don't doubt he will with this situation as well.

I just want to hear him.

See his path and walk it.

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7

"I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint." Habakkuk 2:1