Surrendering for the wild ride

I really can't put into words what God is working on in this scripted heart of mine lately.

I can tell you though lessons I am working on...

*Being Intentional

*Surrendering... fully... all

*Being in the passenger seat or as my husband put it... the backseat. He doesn't even want to sit up front for the  temptation to scoot over will be too great. He doesn't want to drive. I don't want to either.

*Loving like Christ

*Following Christ even when it's scary

That is some in a nut shell. He keeps working on the same topics with me over and over and this weekend it seemed to click as to why. While I have professed with my mouth this is how we are changing and moving forward the heart hasn't changed. The actions have stayed the same. Kind of like "well it's OK tomorrow is a new day and I'll just start then." My frame of mind has continued to look for ways to control the situation and create backup plans.

My best laid out plans. Like saying "OK Lord, I hear your plans and this is how I will get me to your final destination."

That's just it I said I too many times. The Lord has laid on my heart what direction or goal he wants me to reach but I keep trying to get there by my A + B = C kind of list. I haven't been doing it God's way even though I thought I was since my ending goal was ultimately what he himself laid on my heart.

It hasn't worked out quite like I had envisioned. Quite worse if I'm honest. He is desperately trying to get me to listen. LISTEN. To walk his way and to show me he is working a new thing. While the goal seems to be the same he is going about a new way to get us there. If only I'd follow his steps and not mine the path wouldn't be so hard. That seems to be the theme of this whole move though huh? A new thing?

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19 (NIV84)

 It's strange but 5 months in I think I am finally getting it. I could've saved myself a ton of tears and heartache if I would've stepped back and just let go. Instead I had to have my hands around it with my doodle marks marking up the page.

No, this here, and then that will slide in here, and then this will be left over.

The problem is that has only gotten me all over the place. It's gotten me to sidetrack my family and have them all over the place.

Last night my husband and I were talking about our individual intense Bible studies at church last night. While the topics were different they were very much the same and my husband shared an analogy a fellow gentleman shared. Let's see if I can get this to come across the right way.

God is mowing our yard. He has a plan and is mowing in order. Up, down, back and forth, side to side. His style and methods make perfect sense to him and he is keeping it look nice. His only request is we edge it. Prune and take care of and follow the outside path he has drawn out for us. For us to not be worried about a patch that may seem taller than the rest, etc. Just edge the outside. Instead we like to look at the grass and say no we need to hit here and then over here, and then back down here. We are making the worst set of crop circles ever and actually making our lawns a complete mess. We keep thinking we know how to mow better than God. Cleaner than God. So not the case. 

It really hit me that is exactly what I have been doing for so long... especially with this move... that it's no wonder I feel so upside down with things.

I want a wild ride with God. The wild ride he has planned for me. I am getting out of cruise control where I've been. Comfortable... going his plan but my way. I am sliding out of the driver's seat and relinquishing control.

I surrender... ALL.

I am praying daily to remember it's not about my to-do list but his. That I need to go along unswervingly and edge my property. The lines are beautiful and I plan to stand on and claim all that he has given me HIS WAY. I resolve to no longer allow Satan to play my husband and I against God's will for our lives based on our weaknesses.

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6 (ESV)

He is moving and working on a plan that is going to blow our minds. We feel it. I am praying I haven't missed it due to my control nature. When fear starts to creep in and I feel myself wanting to inch over to where I don't belong I need to remind myself to check the rearview mirror. I need to ask God to remind me of his faithfulness in my past and to ease the demons inside trying to tell me my way is better. God will tell me "Do you not remember my faithfulness?" He has provided. He has it all under control. He is driving and I need to stop being in the passenger seat trying to jam my foot into the floor board praying my invisible brakes will stop the car from going out of the comfort zone.

I am definitely with my husband... The backseat... The only place I want to be and not as a backseat driver either.

Here I am Lord. I surrender all control and invisible brake pedals. The road ahead is nerve wracking to me but I know you already know the path. Help me to hold unswervingly to your direction and voice in my life. I give it all to you. 

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23 (NIV84)

So, I ask... Do you want a wild ride with God? If so who is driving your ride with Christ?

The ride can't be wild if you are driving and know when you are braking or using caution...