Have you ever had one of those flashes into the future where you realize the possibility of everything you have grown accustom to could be completely changing in a matter of months? The realization of all that you could be missing in the place you have called home? Of course the flip side is all you could be experiencing as well.
I have this sense of conflict inside me right now as I stare at the confirmation number that just arrived in my inbox. The next couple months have already been written in God's plan. The forks in the roads erased with only one path shown.
Left or Right.
A door open or the window closed.
He already knows this.
We don't yet.
We did it though. We took the first step. It was a heck of a first one too. We have never ever done anything like this before.
Forgive me if the next couple months are wishy washy posts of my insecurity or nervousness. I wish I could say which way my emotions were swaying with this right now. I think I will need this blog more than ever to talk through the emotions of this script of mine that God is playing out right now. It's not though that I am not excited about the possibilities that could be coming our way it's more the sadness of all that has been brought to us here and possibly leaving it behind.
Our future could be changing.
Our future could be staying as it is right now.
It's all in God's hands.
I am sorry for the repetition. I guess it's just playing out in my head and heart right now. All the possibilities. All the peace in knowing God wrote it and whatever the outcome it's what he planned. I am trying not to battle my demons with praying this isn't another case of God gives us the desires of our hearts just to again knock us down to pick us back up. I am praying we wholeheartedly learned our lessons on that the first time. I can honestly say just by our conversations and prayers, as husband and wife for our family and desire for God's Will, we are in a different place this time. But we all know how demons are. Creeping into every nook and cranny waiting for it to open the slightest bit. I am trying not to let any rays of sunshine through. I am praying I can stay diligent on that. It won't be easy though.
If you think about we could use some prayer. Some prayer to quiet Satan and to only see and hear the radiant work of the Lord in all of this... whatever the outcome. To calm any possible angry from family members helping in this should this outcome sway one way or the other. {I am not saying it will just covering all bases in prayer here.} To help us relinquish the wheel of trying to figure out all the needed details on our own and to remember that God has already told us that...
To not be so sad at what and who would be left behind in this possible new journey of our lives. I have been told and believe distance won't hurt the relationship but I'll miss the closeness that is for sure.
So much so.
Has anyone told you that growing up really stinks and is hard sometimes? I know we have all said it but I am certainly feeling that right now.
I apologize for this being such a downer post from earlier today and last week. Just sorting and letting my heart and mind doing the talking.
The first steps have been taken and are irreversible. Maybe that is where the nervousness is at... in the word...
Irreversible
So final. No longer in dream and beginning prayer stages. Completely and full in God's hands.
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