In a lot of areas to be honest. One of which though is this blog. I seem to have lost my direction for it. I struggle with tendencies to write for the reader and yet at the same time just want to write for me. Or directed at me or my heart.
Ugh does any of this make sense? Don't worry it isn't to me either.
Believe it or not I have been blogging for 6 years. I have had many different blogs in that time frame. I started out with Blogger 6 years ago as just a family blog. I loved it! I "met" so many awesome bloggers and grew some awesome friendships. During that time I had taught myself HTML and started learning how to make a pretty blog for myself. With the help of one of the awesome bloggers I had grown a good friendship with. During that same time I too had had that longing for my own url. Who wants to always had blogspot to the end of your address all the time. I thought I didn't so we made the switch. Purchased our own URL and went to town. That is when we first made our blog private. I lost so many readers during that time. No one wanted to sign in to read and we weren't wanting all our pictures plastered everywhere. It was at that time lots of pictures were being stolen and we didn't want pictures of us or our children to be one of them.
Hence the going private.
Then we moved. A HUGE across a couple states move. Lots went on in our family and I had lost some of the love for blogging I once had had. I didn't have my close "friends" anymore and it felt as if life just sucked and was repetitive. Who wants to read about that??? So we didn't renew our URL and left the blogosphere, for what we thought, indefinitely.
That wasn't the case. Who am I kidding I love the blogosphere. I was blogging when blogging was barely cool. Before Facebook took off and before Twitter was even thought of. Many of the fellow bloggers I once had a commodore with have since left the blogosphere and I can no longer find them. A couple years ago I did come back to the blogland and created yet another family blog. Since I knew it was going to be private I have made it more of a journal/keepsake of things going on in our family. I don't really write for the reader nor am I able to really ask questions or "interact" with the reader like I once was able to. Or want to.
That's where this blog comes into play. However I still feel this longing to want to make new friends. Share some of my life happening with like before. Share homeschooling experiences or whats going on. Now there are so many other blogs out there and communities that never existed before. Communities I would love to take part in, but since my husband's affair 2 1/2 years ago and my dire desire to not be "searchable" to that person I don't want to share pictures of our family outside of the protection of the private setting.
So here I am stuck. Not sure what to do. I don't want to come across as a "fake"/made up person. I am very real. I also don't want someone stumbling across us that we don't want to. I know I know I hear you... Then why be online. Why have a blog, etc. But you don't understand. When you are home all day it's nice to be able to connect with other people. Feel as if you are apart of something. Making friends you can't make in the town in which you live.
It is such a rock and a hard spot it isn't even funny.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to say.
There are things I want to share.
So for the time being I am not sure what to do with this blog. Do I start posting pictures with "blog names" for my family and I and start participating in some of the communities I really want to, or do I just delete this blog and just keep my "hidden" unread family journal???
There isn't just one topic I would like to post on or stick to. Just want to blog... interact... feel apart of something again, but the fear of being searched out stop my every time.
I really have no idea what to do!?
I even had an author yesterday tell me that whenever my blog becomes "public" to let her know because she would love to read. Even she doesn't want to sign in to read... Can't blame her I guess...
What to do ??????
What to do????
2 comments:
Hi! I am here from visiting the LENS photo challenge. I can relate in some ways to this post. I am new to my blog and I want to connect but at the very same time, I find it a little awkward to be 'searchable' or have a public blog.
I enjoyed reading some of your blog posts, I clicked 'follow', I hope to check back often.
Have a great week!
Awww Thank you Marissa!! It's very hard to realize in someways you can be searchable. At the same time the bond that I had years ago with some women I "met" through our blogs was unbelievable. There can be such positives to blogging and a public blog. I am just not sure how or if I want to do that again, but I miss the connection with others. It helps the days go by and it' can be such a great outlet for us stay at home moms. Oh such a rock and a hard spot. Just pray about it. That's what I am doing. :) Maybe God is leading us to and the new friendships that can be formed could be exactly what he had in mind?? Thank you so much for stopping by! I loved your blog I will most certainly be stopping by again soon. Take care and have a fantastic week! :)
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